modern hussy's etiquette

I haven’t posted in a couple of weeks, because life kind of got in the way (too busy with work during the week and too hungover on the weekends, I totally suck.) Anyhow to make it up to you, I have a very special treat.  I almost never post entries by other people (this is MY BLOG), but my dear friend Lusty Lady Cycle has agreed to share with you this excellent (and true) story about her experience with Craigslist from a few years ago.  This story is racy and I love it!

Oh ya, probably not safe for work!

Enjoy!!!

A few years ago I had plans to quit my job, pack my things and leave my beloved city for an undetermined amount of time.

At some point, I realized what I wanted to experience before leaving was a clandestine love affair with a woman.

I had accepted I didn’t have enough time for this to happen organically so I did what other sexually curious twenty-somethings do. 
I posted an ad on craigslist.

Online, I met many women.

The process was exciting.

I felt myself opening up to possibilities I had never imagined. In this process, amongst those messages from gay women, women and their boyfriends and straight women looking for another soft skinned woman to cuddle and explore with, I met Mr. Foot.

Mr.Foot lured me with a simple message outlining his love of feet. He acknowledged he wasn’t a woman and couldn’t offer me what I was looking for – but what he could do, was offer endless foot massages and pedicures with nothing asked of me in return.

As someone who suffers from chronic joint pain in my feet, I was in. 


And so started the emails and the text messages, the long phone calls and requests for photos of my shoes. I participated willingly as we laid out the rules, boundaries and expectations.


At no point was I expected to reciprocate sexually or physically. He wanted my feet to be as beat up, rough and unkempt as possible. He wanted to worship them. 


In return, he would bring me shoes. Size 9.

We figured each encounter had a price tag, which equaled a pair of shoes or vintage dress (that I would buy myself and he would reimburse me for).

We made plans to meet at my loft. 

After several unsuccessful meet up attempts I was ready to throw in the towel, but he was persistent.

Finally, we set a date.  

Mr Foot arrived 30 mins late at my run down loft apartment in the seedy part of the city. I sat in my hammock chair that swung from the beams, with him underneath me, eating my toes.

I was a little weirded out so I made him put a towel over his eyes. When it slipped off and I caught him watching me, I slapped him. These tiny dominations seemed to arouse him more.

Slowly, he started to masturbate.

If he lost any connection with my feet, I slapped him again. 


I watched him.

I stared at the ceiling.

I picked my nails.

I acted bored but inside, I was freaking out.

The less I paid attention to him and my feet, the more excited he got. Suddenly he stopped. He shyly asked me to get a spoon.

Indifferent, I walked to the kitchen, dragging my feet and returned with a spoon. He pulled up his shirt and continued to jerk off.

What the hell am I doing with this spoon? I wondered.

So I rubbed it on his exposed stomach and tapped his balls with it. Eventually, with enough feet sucking and ball tapping, he came. All over himself, spoon cupping balls, feet in mouth. And then he asked him to feed him his cum.

What the wha? Fine.

 I scooped it up with the spoon and I put it in his mouth.

I wasn’t grossed out. Mostly, I was perplexed. Where was my foot rub? Where was my pedicure? WHERE in the hell were my shoes?!? Where were my vintage dresses?!!?!?


He explained his wife had found the shoes and in an effort not to get caught, he gave them to her. He didn’t have the cash on him to pay me for the dresses but he’d bring everything next time.

Mr.Foot left. I went about my night knowing I would never see him again.



Mr. Foot had come to my house, French kissed my feet, jerked off, had me feed him and offered me nothing of the promised things we had agreed to. 

He continued to message me for weeks after and wanted to meet up but I refused.

Even though I didn’t have to ‘do’ anything, he hadn’t honoured his part of the deal. I also didn’t have time to wait around for someone who may or may not show up. So, I declined his future requests.


Two days before I departed for my adventure, Mr.Foot called. He apologized and offered to pay me what he owed me. Touched, I agreed and said he could meet me at the corner of A and B to hand it over. Mr.Foot requested me meet at my apartment for one last session. 



I hung up. 



Recently, after many years away adventuring, I’ve returned to my beloved city to settle down with a partner I love, an amazing job, friends and family I missed dearly. 



What I didn’t miss or expect, was to see Mr.Foot on the metro platform. With his wife. I couldn’t stop staring. I dared him with my glare, challenging him to look back. I knew he’d seen me.

While Mr.Foot taught me a few valuable lessons about sexual encounters, what I realized truly, is the importance of communication and honesty in all relationships.

And, I love a good foot massage more than French toe kissing.

Thank gah for the cold spell we are having.

At least bitches are back in shoes that mostly cover their feet.

I had a lot of cringe-y moments during the heat wave 2 weeks ago, seeing girls ‘strut’ in their summer specials.
I wrote you a really good and comprehensive post last summer here to educate you on the etiquette of showing your feet, but seeing how like eight people read this blog clearly the message did not get across.
So please re-read and share part 1  with as many friends as possible before continuing to today’s part 2.
Here are my tips for selecting foot exposing summer sandals:

1. Nobody likes it too high. I lurve being over six feet tall in my amazing Carvelas, but honey, I’ve had years of practice and I still only wear them when I know I’m getting driven door to door or will be drinking (everybody knows that alcohol is like a magical painkiller). There is NOTHING endearing about looking like Bambi on ice and the only dudes you will attract wearing heels so high is predatory dudes. The ones looking for girls who are swaying on their heels due to imbalance and are so drunk they will probably put out just so they can take their uncomfortable shoes off. I challenge you to look at girls who can’t walk in their heels- whether they are the back leaners or look like a trampling Tyrannosaurus Rex - they look awkward and uncomfortable.

2. Find your comfort level. I said it before and I’ll say it again, wear shoes that fit you. Don’t  try to mash your feet into something really slim if you have a wide foot and high arches.  Find the brand that fits you and stick with it, as the models are usually alike.  And for the love of all things good and pure please do NOT buy shoes that are too small for you. There is nothing more heinous than toes hanging over sandals. It looks so terrible. I don’t care if you find Jill Sanders sandals made from gold as freaking baby unicorns at 99% off that you’d give up your first born for,  if they are too small for you, it is time to walk away (or purchase them for a friend with a smaller foot).

3. Other missfit issues: when your baby toe is not contained by the cross strap of your sandal (blargh), and when the straps are too tight on you making your lower calf look like a a stringed sausage.

4. Know when to accept defeat. Some women just aren’t made for wearing heels. There is something off with your feet, you have poor circulation, or you walk weird. That’s just a part of life. Even I can only do a full day in heels (from morning till after dinner) two times a week max and only in my comfiest, reserving the less comfortable ones for short events.  There are plenty of mid-heel or flat options out there that make you look absolutely smashing but do not give you pain.

5. Always start with a gorgeus base. Take good care of your feet! Scrub, pumice, slather in lotions and get regular pedis if you plan to expose them. There is nothing more unappetizing than cracked yellow heels and chipped polish over scraggly nails….ok I seriously just gagged. You don’t want to make people gag, do you?

I realize that people will say that if one feels sexy as fuck I should just let them be. The issue is, when you are wearing uncomfortable shoes you can’t walk in, you don’t feel or look sexy as fuck. All you can think of is how badly you wish you could take your shoes off as your shirt moistens with sweat because you are working so hard just to be able to walk. Feeling sexy has to do with being effortlessly striking- hard to achieve when your shoes are filling up with blood.
So now go get a pedicure, get your new amazing well fitting sandals out of the freezer * and show the world what a cool and confident summer girl you are!

* putting your shoes in the freezer is a trick I have for breaking them in faster. Freeze for 20 min. then wear to mould the leather or suede to your feet.  Only works with non synthetic materials. 

My Shoe collection is well into the triple digits.

Having been an avid sneaker phreaker since I was able to afford my first pair of Adidases back in the day, now augmented by professional interest and love for sky high heels, I spend most of my money of footwear.  I plan my outfits starting from the shoes, I’m on the shoe blogs daily, I arrange them by colour in my flat, I pack 6 pairs to go away for the weekend, and I often get asked which is my number one.  I don’t play favourites (even though the new pony skin court shoe I recently purchased holds a very special place in my heart), and I believe that every woman should have a good rotation of footwear at her fingertips at all times.

The following is a shortlist of ten types of shoes, which should be in your closet to suit the purpose of a well balanced life.

Note* that we are not including functional footwear in here, such as winter boots, flip flops, or a solid pair of running shoes, which you should have anyways

Note** that I don’t consider kitten heels to even be shoes, and they will not be anywhere in this post.

1. Classic Pump in Black- You do not want it to be too pointy, but it should not be rounded toe.  The heel can be anywhere from 6 cm (wimp) all the way to 10cm (rockstar).  The thickness of the heel should be a fairly thin stiletto, but if this makes you uncomfortable, a thicker heel can work too.  This shoe is multipurpose: you can wear it to the office paired with a high waisted skirt, or out in the evening with some well fitting skinnies.  I would suggest to invest in a good quality product, and fork out a bit more money for it.  You will be wearing this a lot and the comfort factor has to be high.  This shoe never goes out of style, you always need it, and a relatively new pair should always be in your collection.      
2. Rockstar Shoe- this is where you get to be outrageous.  Choose from hidden platform, peep toe, sandal, bejeweled or studded, you can rock patterns, fluos or crazy prints.  This is the shoe that will dominate your outfit, so make sure you can actually walk in it, despite it’s ridiculous height (10cm or more, girls).  A large portion of my collection is what makes these up, including: fluo yellow pumps, the aforementioned All Saints pony courts with heel made from brass hardware, black patent and gold fetish McQueens, I could go on, but I think you get the point.  This can be any shoe that makes you giddy with excitement and makes you feel like you should be stomping all over the red carpet.  These are also the ones that you keep on, even when you take everything else off. Winky face.   
3. Ankle boots- You need these in the fall. There are plenty of types to choose from. The heel should be thicker for better stability, and the material should be a nice, buttery suede.  These look great with cable knit tights, and a well layered scarf.     
4. Basic sneakers- I rock sneakers a lot (before sundown) and absolutely adore them, but I do realize that not everyone is as influenced by High Snobiety and Crooked Tongues as I am (sneakerhead blogs for all you who don’t care).  Still, every girl should have a basic sneaker for casual times and daytime outings.  This can be anything from Converse, Tom’s, retro Adidas or Nike styles.  They should be simple, high top or low cut, mostly one colour, and you can wear them with pants, shorts, etc.  Note, that if you choose white- as I often do- your shoes need to be white.  As soon as white sneakers get that ‘worn out’ look it is time to demote them.  White sneakers can be cleaned in the washing machine (COLD WATER ONLY), to give them another life.  The only exception-that looks better slightly beat up is Converse chucks.       
5. Ridiculo sneakers- You know you love them- that pair of Nike 6.0s high tops in really obnoxious colours, or Tigers with cartoons all over them.  The bonus is, you usually find these on crazy sales, as no person in their right mind would purchase them. You NEVER wear these with dresses or skirts if you are over the age of 25.      
6. Ballerinas- I’m not the biggest fan of these because my feet are really small compared to how tall I am, and I find this makes me look like an asshole, but I have seen many girls pull off an amazing outfit accentuated by a nice pair of ballerinas.  Keep it simple- heather grey, pinkish beige, black, all over leopard print.  If you want comfort I would consider spending a bit more money, and definitely getting good leather.  I recently went out to buy a basic pair of ballerinas and came home with the Winged Series by Jeremy Scott for Adidas, ooops.      
7. Flat Boot- For those days when you just can’t stand rocking heels, but still want your foot wrapped in delicious leather, and perhaps wear a skirt. You can have army inspired styles, combat boots, the not so awesome granny boots, or moto boots. I adore my Frye moto boots and have some great outfits around them.  Also, they make you feel all quirky-girl like you are Tankgirl, or Liv Tayler in Empire Records, and that’s awesome.    
8. Trendy- While I highly encourage buying quality and choosing pieces that will last you for years, I fully stand by getting super-trendy-will-only-last-for-a-minute shoes from less expensive shops like Zara or H&M.  It’s ok that they will fall apart after a few wears, you won’t want to wear them next season anyways.  Still, make sure that you opt out for leather or natural fabrics as often as possible (at least try for a natural inner lining).  There is nothing more obviously obnoxious than cheapie polyurethane!!!  
9. Sandal – Summer nights are made for these.  They are sexy and look amazing with your hottest summer gear.  I stay away from anything metallic or bejeweled (hurl), but that’s a personal opinion.  Mine include: bright red sandals with straps that lace up to mid calf, wooden tango heels with ankle clasp, kelly green X cross strappies, etc.  Keep in mind that leather is important here.  Just imagine what polyurethane will do on bare feet in sweaty weather.   
10. Wedge- All high footwear lovers rejoice! Wedges are still in for another couple of seasons, and this means that you get to have your ridiculous heights, without the fear of walking in giant heels.  The wedge is an optical illusion and comfortable as hell, when chosen correctly.  I still adore and plan to keep rocking my Carvela wedges   
11. Stomping Shoe- Ok ok ok, I know that I said this would be a list of ten, but I think that I need to give a clear definition of shoes you wear for special occasions, shoes you wear daily and shoes you wear to wild soirees, cobblestone stomping, and all night dance parties. Your stomping shoe must be ridiculously comfortable- you have to be able to flawlessly prance all over all kinds of surfaces while wearing it (wet pavement, cobblestones, potentially sand or gravel, you never know where your night will end up).  It CAN be slightly beaten up. I would never wear my McQueens out in the rain, or to an all night dj night where people could potentially step on it. The stomping shoe may be slightly trashed and probably demoted from A-class.  So if the heel is a little bit beaten up, it is ok to wear it on a night when you know you might end up drinking a whole lotta whiskey and end your night at an after hours.       

Aaaah, I totally want to add about fifteen more ‘must-haves’ to this list, but I know that not everyone has an addiction like me, so we will just stop here, and leave you with a few final tips. 

 Don’t forget to spray your shoes, they will last years longer. 

Take care of them- regular cleaning and polishing is required

Material quality is a big deal and can make a world of difference in the fit and comfort of your footwear.  When given the choice, always pay the difference for leather.

Pedicures are key! Take good care of your feet.  For additional foot care tips please see an older post here.  

Knowing how to walk in your shoes is also really important, read some older tips here

Happy strutting!!!!

I still have my feet on the ground, I just wear better shoes. (Oprah, yes, really)      

I have a GRAVE and EXTREMELY serious topic this schaiße weather Monday.  This is something I do NOT eff around with: FEET. 

Yes, readers, I know that the summer is pretty much officially over for most of you, however I want to engrave this topic into all your pretty heads, and have you spread the word, so that, when next summer comes, I do not have to witness such disgusting atrocity as summer past. Ugly calloused, yellowed cracked heels, piles of old skin, chipped polish, overly long toe nails…. Need I go on?  Please don’t make me as I am getting gaggy already. I hate other people’s feet, I really do.  Heck, I have made a career out of covering them up, that is how much I do not wish for them to see the light of day. 

My very wise friend C once announced that she thinks pedicures should be mandatory like dental checkups, and I couldn’t agree more.  Leaving that much dead skin on any part of your body can’t be good for you… we are looking at foot fungus, infected blisters, in grown toenails, and the yellowed cracking….? Uuughghghghghghg. While no one expects you to run to the foot spa every other week (I do get monthly pedis, and my foot hygiene is impeccable based on the previously mentioned foot hatred… I can only stand mine if they are in gorgeus shape), but a self pedicure every month is highly encouraged, and a professional one should be done AT THE VERY LEAST at the start of sandal season and at the end.

If you do not have the time or desire to make a whole ritual of it, it would not hurt to pumice those heels every other day at the end of your shower, when the dead skin cells have loosened up.  It is kind of like flossing, just do a bit every day to avoid major disasters later on.  I would invest in a decent foot cream and moisturize those babies in the evening before you go to bed.  Just these two small contributions will make you look a million times better. Really. As for the toes, try to avoid aggressive polishes (or only keep them on for a week max), this is to ensure that you do not end up with chipped old looking crimson toes.  It makes you look sloppy, no matter if you read in Nylon that chipped polish is in… sloppiness is NEVER in. (One should not listen to advice from Peaches Geldof)

Finally, once again, make sure your shoes fit well.  The better the fit, the less likely your feet will get damaged.  PLEASE MAKE SURE, and this applies to a lot of seemingly attractive women, that your sandals are not too small for you.  When your toes hang over the front of your platforms making your feet look like claws, you need bigger shoes, you look ridiculous, and I don’t care if they are Dolce and you got them at 50% off.

Boys, your feet are also important.  Get a pedi once in a while. They feel nice and will make your football shoes hurt less.  I have several very manly friends who I have talked into pedicures and they absolutely loved them.  I mean, foot massage by young pretty girl? Hello!!!

I keep my feet in great shape year round, because you never know when you might be trying on stilettos, summer OR winter. And you want to do it without shame.  Additionally, pretty feet makes boys want to buy me shoes, it’s a win win for all parties involved.

Now, go!!!