The Hussy is back. After a week of lying in bed making hurty noises and feeling like the world will end I finally emerged from bed a little more pale, a little more skinny and a whole lot more bitchy. Nothing makes me more cranky than having missed out on a whole week of parties and general debauchery…
I left the house to see what has been going on, and it turns out, spring has descended on my city. I thought this was good news, but as I turned my face towards the sun to absorb some much needed Vitamin D I was blinded by a more severe view of things. The Bad Parts of Pantyhose. Having been hidden away by layers of long winter jackets, pantyhose had disappeared from my thoughts these last few months. Now, with the first rays of warmth there is was again. So much of it.
Don’t get me wrong, the Modern Hussy applauds the wearing of dangerously short items (of course meanwhile covering the top half of your body, if you want to show leg, don’t show boob, unless you want to look like a cheap hooker) and thinks that girls can make their hemlines as daring as it makes them comfortable. The key to vagina skimming skirts is having the proper attire UNDER.
First of all, FULL PANTIES. You never know when you will get a little bit too excited (doing high kicks in public does happen on a regular basis here), or when your purse will cause your skirt to hike, and there is nothing attractive about a thonged ass out in broad daylight.
The second, is of course, seamless pantyhose or tights. Showing the bad parts of pantyhose (the darker parts which are meant to hold you together) is the equivalent of carrying around a sign that says ‘I am trash, you should make inappropriate comments and later I will let you pee on me.’ No matter what NYLON tells you (if you have been paying attention, you know that I refuse to take advice from Peaches Geldoff, ugh), the bad parts of pantyhose are never ‘in style’.
Please make a note of also never wearing ripped or old pantyhose. I don’t care if you are going for rocker chick, wearing ripped up nylons makes me question your hygiene, and I bet that if I come close enough, there will be a smell of hamster permeating from you. Pantyhose is cheap, as soon as you see your favourite pair show uneven surface colour, it’s time to throw it out. Invest in several black pairs and you will never have to look like a tramp.
That’s all for now. The Hussy is heading to Asia next. Let’s see how much they can piss me off over there.