modern hussy's etiquette

You know when you date a sea of asshole weirdos and then meet someone who makes you laugh and gets you and is ridiculously attractive and nice and smart and LIKES YOU BACK all the same ways?

You spend the first three weeks of knowing one another together non-stop. Dates turn into three day sleepovers, you get more jiggy than you have all last year, you spend hours gazing at one another while The National plays in the background, you call into work sick three times in two weeks and almost forget what it’s like to wear pants.

Finally, when you realize you are in desperate need of doing laundry and some alone time you come crashing down hardcore massive, sober up for a second, and after a twenty four hour sex withdrawal can’t help but wonder if it was too soon to give that stranger your keys.

What’s his / her last name again?

So here is Modern Hussy’s list of too soon behaviour in a zygote of a relationship (anything under 4 weeks)

1.  It is too soon to give him / her your keys.

2. It is too soon to cross a border together

3. It is too soon to drop the L-bomb

4. It is too soon to plan a vacation 6 months from present date

5. It is too soon to meet his / her parents

6. It is too soon to be Facebook friends (unless you were already before you started banging)

7. It is too soon to change your relationship status

8. It is too soon to cancel your OkCupid account. (But you should probably stop checking it)

9. It is too soon to make him / her your emergency contact at the doctor’s office

10. It is too soon to make a sex tape (you slut).

11. It is too soon to get tattooed together.

12. It is definitely too soon to have unprotected sex.

13. It is too soon to attend an orgy together, unless of course that is your scene.

14. It is too soon to give him / her free reign of your friends

15. it is too soon to give him / her your debit card pin.

This is just an estimate of things that could probably happen in the scenario I described at the start of this post.

Beware.

Many things could still go wrong, and if you are not careful, or a bad judge of character, you could end up locked out of your place with an STI, banned from entering the EU, with your sex tape on an amateur porn site, with no friends.

Or even worse, you could realize that you started dating someone who was a total emotional slut, and does this to everyone he / she dates before losing interest and moving on to new pastures.

You could also realize that you yourself are an emotional slut and can’t function in society unless your existence is validated by another human being.

People are assholes. Don’t trust just anyone.

But I did not want to end it on a sour note.

Actually, I wanted you to know that while these rules are a handy checklist, but when you meet the right person most of them can go out the window (except for 10, 12, 13, and 15). 

Be careful and don’t trust just anyone, but when you meet a great catch, just enjoy it and let it wash over you like a wave.

Who knows what will happen?

Love, M.H.

Remember when we were in our late teens and early twenties and everytime we went out there was the one creepy dude who would hang at the end of the bar and perv at all the young girls?

Gross. That dude was at least 31.

Having attended an indie show the other day, I looked around and realized just how much the cross section of partiers has changed.

It seems that these days if you still hang out in bars or clubs, you will find yourself in the company of people between the ages of 18 and 36.

It’s kind of weird.

You glance up at a guy in skinny pants, suspenders and a James Dean t-shirt and the only reason you can approximate his age is the graying hair in his beard and a slightly receding hairline. There is a 21 year old two meters over wearing an identical outfit. With a full grown beard.

It’s the same for girls. They are all wearing some kind of layered, UK inspired get up with chunky ankle boots, their hair is ombré and they have nails inspired by nylon magazine.

Ten years ago, there was only two kinds if women over thirty and they did not resemble their twenty something counterparts.

The first kind were the soccer moms who, after marrying their university boyfriends, moved to the suburbs to pop out babies, buy flower pattern couches at discount box stores, and generally die a little bit each day, until their depressing end.

The second type were the single ones, who only went to sports bars to try and pick up ballers. They wore sky high heels and peacocked themselves to the max to attract the opposite sex (you know, big hair, super red lipstick, push up bra). They were cougars and identified with Carrie and Samantha from sex and the city.  Their existence was mildly depressing as they died a little with each one night stand, while hoping that one of these investment bankers would eventually wife them, so that they could become woman type 1.

Oh, how times have changed.

We take our time to get married, as we watch all the marriages of people who did it in their 20s fall apart. We are taking our time to ‘figure out what we want to do’ with our lives, constantly busy yet unhappy and searching for life’s meaning.

Science is allowing us to make babies into our 40s and where babies cannot be had (or where we choose not to have then) a pair of Boston terrier dogs will take their place.

We often rent instead of owning, and have more disposable income for things like travel and going back to school for another design or sociology degree (so that we can finally get that brand consultant job). We are petrified to make decisions about our partners since our generation has so audibly announced that there is no ‘the one’.

Is it just me or have we become ultimately self absorbed people?

I blame the Internet.

It has allowed us to become the heroes and heroines in the well documented story of our lives. Never before have people had an audience when announcing what they had for breakfast or that ‘its raining’.  A virtual world full of admirers makes us feel extra important and significant. Our inability to make decisions is strengthened by the fact that social networking will help us make them.

Ya, I spent my entire morning commute instagramming and writing this blog post. And now I’m checking who liked on my Instagram photos.

Case & point.

Ok, reading this back, I realize that I have gone on a huge tangent from my initial statement and am clearly having a bit of an existential crisis these days.

I think that it is good that we are still going out well into our 30s.  Becoming an adult should not make you dead inside, and reduce you to formal dinner parties in your adult house, with your couple friends.  

At the same time, I have reason to believe that the kidult backlash will eventually fuck us over.  You can still be fun and have fun while living like a responsible adult. 

So get a savings account, tell the person you have been casually banging that you want to get serious, get off the internet, learn to make your own decisions, and aim for a job that pays for all your concert tickets. 

Love, M.H. (a struggling grown up)      

If I am ever busy I will just post links to this blog

she’s good!

All right single girl, you’re doing it.

You successfully got over your ex, are over your fear of new penises and are starting to date.

 You quickly realize just how sucky you are at this.

Don’t worry. No one is a natural and these things improve over time (and over more dates).

In all likelihood you will meet someone who already frequents your circles. Even the biggest city is actually not that big, once you factor in your age group, scene, interests and the fact that everything you do is contained within a five block radius of your house.  

This is great (less cab fare when you abruptly leave the bar with a hook up to go make out at your place), but it is also really sucky because let’s face it, 9 out of 10 dudes you meet will be a learning experience (this is what girls call a waste of time). This means that you will probably see them around once you are done with them, and they will likely know the next dude you hook up with. Not everyone has the ‘I’m leaving the country excuse’ that I used to be so fond of following every major dating disaster, so you are just going to have to learn how to diplomatically bang and date in the city.

1. Minimize your one night stands. I’m just as fond of banging a stranger as the next girl, but there is a time and place for it. If you repeatedly go to the bar, get slutty and wake up next to a gentleman who’s name you can’t remember, you might want to instill a four drink maximum. One night stands are ok sometimes. However, making the rounds with every willing dude in town will give you a rep and an unsatisfying sex life.

2. Be honest. If you don’t want to be exclusive make sure you let the people you date know that right from the start. Running into someone you are seeing when you are on a date with someone else is painful enough, yet miles worse when either one thinks you are his girlfriend.

3. Don’t lead anyone on. Once you realize this person is not for you, give him one more chance (or sleep with him one more time) and then abort mission. Dating is supposed to be fun. Dating is not supposed to be a stressful experiment where you have to convince yourself that this is what you want. Trust your gut feeling, if you are not into him within the first three to five dates you are likely not going to develop that. Don’t waste time!

4. Beware of the spider. There are some guys (and girls) who know how to manipulate every situation by being the really nice guy who treats you like gold. He also avoids getting dumped by telling you that he is ok with being casual and dating other people (he isn’t). You get tangled up in this emotional web until you wake up one day and realize that he tricked you into moving in (he was only offering a temporary sublet when your apartment flooded and you thought this was so nice), and now is well on the way to wife you. I always say give nice guys a chance, but don’t stay with them just because they are nice!

You can’t make a spark where there wasn’t one to begin with!

4. Keep the dramz to a minimum. You probably shouldn’t tell everyone about your date’s craziness or preferences in bed. Whether it works out or not, don’t gossip! Dating in a small scene means that people will talk. Becoming known as the girl who kisses and tells will ensure that no one will want to date you! Respect your date’s privacy and hope he will do the same.

5. Don’t fall into insta girlfriend mode. It’s easy to get carried away, and you do have feelings and emotions. However acting all girlfriend like with a dude you just met or one you do not see as a long term investment is in bad taste. You do want to get to know him and you do want to be yourself, but planning vacations six months from the third date is very emotionally slutty (and that’s the worst kind of slut!). Enter every situation with cautious optimism and reserve some distance until you are both ready for a more serious mutually agreed on commitment.  

Now, while I want you to have really good sexytimes, I highly suggest that you keep any semi extreme kinks to yourself.  It’s nice to explore your sexuality with a partner you trust, but don’t whip out all the tricks on a first time sleepover. I’m not telling you to be vanilla, I just suggest that you ease into any kinks slowly ad make sure that your partner is into it. One-sided dirty talk is awwwwkkkward!!!

6. Learn how to break up. Disappearing and stopping all contact will guarantee a lot of awkward run ins in your neighbourhood!  Have the decency to break up like an adult. Again, I know that this is an uncomfortable convo to have, but a very important one. No one likes break ups, but you will be a much better person if you walk away from a dating situation with a polite goodbye and limited dramz. You will be flagged as a crazy, however, if your breakups consist of 3 am text messages and drunken public outbursts.

Wrap up every situation as you would a job. Bridge burners suck.

You don’t have to be friends with a romance gone wrong, but you should be civil, you never know who your next review will come from.

7. Take time off. Don’t start dating his friend the next day. Take some time off to secretly regale your girlfriends with the stories of what a disaster your last date was, take yourself to the spa and do some yoga. Even if you only dated for a week or two, you need to take a breather, and note what went wrong.

I think that covers it. Tune in next week for another episode!

Happy dating MH

If you have been reading this blog since the beginning you know that I swore Internet dating off after my one and only date- read about it here.

However I still think that for some this is an excellent way of meeting new people and falling in lust.

You might say that I have no experience with these matters, but actually I have talked many of my Internet dating friends off the ledge after a particularly bad date.

Also, I am really good at being cool on the internets.  

Also, just to be sure I am bringing you the most informed advice I consulted my bestie (hi AM) who once considered writing a book based on her Internet dating period.

We all know that you are stalking that hottie on Instagram and checking the relationship status of your friend’s friends on the Facebook, so why don’t you just do yourself and favour, get over the stigma and start going on dates with randoms on the Internet, who are actually presumably single and looking to mingle.

Let’s assume you have already selected your online dating website (I wouldn’t pay for it, but knock yourself out if you want to be on match.com or equivalent).

Write your profile to represent yourself. I was a total asshole on my profile and only posted photos of shoes, because I thought that my knight in shining armour should understand my Wu Tang related quotes and weird obsession with avocados. In retrospect I was likely too weird and put myself into the niche market section of online dating. So, when you are writing yours be generally specific. Don’t lie.

Anyhow, see Modern Hussy’s tips on how to avoid disasters while Internet dating.

1.  Don’t lie!!!! If you are serious about meeting someone to date, lying is stupid. They will likely quickly find out you fibbed upon real life meeting. So don’t say you are 28 when you are actually 34, don’t post photos of yourself post gastro when you were 8 kilos lighter, and don’t make up a fancy job that you will never have.

2. Be honest! Different than lying, being honest requires letting potential dates know what you are looking for. So if your final objective is ‘marriage, kids’ don’t check the ‘casual sex’ box. Stop wasting your and other people’s time.

3. Arrange to meet in real life as soon as possible. It’s really easy to think someone is amazing when your contact consists of cleverly worded emails and chats. However, you will know within the first five minutes of meeting whether or not you want to bang him/her.

4. When setting up the first date, arrange something short and sweet. A happy hour meeting is great, and you can fake ‘dinner plans with my best friend at 8’ to get you out of there.  A five course tasting menu would be the worst with someone you have no interest in. Keep it short and sweet.  If you are a drinker, alcohol is a great lubricant in these situations.

5. Let a friend know where you are going. Date rape and serial killers are a total buzzkill, so make sure you stay safe by letting a friend know who you are meeting and where, leave a contact number and your date’s name + online moniker. Call said friend when you are safe at home.

6. Don’t get trashed. You know you get slutty after three drinks, and there are only so many strangers you should bang in a lifetime. If the date is going well, don’t show him/her what a great time you are having by turning it into a pants off party.  Or saying something like “I really want you to be my boyfriend” or other first date inappropriate comments. Keep it to three drinks and end the date to continue on to your fake dinner plans (or real dinner plans, whatever).  Note that making out on a first date is super tacky.  Don’t do it.

7. Choose your date location wisely. A bar or cafe you are familiar with is the best bet. Avoid going to a sketchy part of town. Under no circumstances should you go to his/her house. Not only is it dangerous, but can also get you in weird situations such as meeting your date’s entire family, while there is a web series being filmed about a rising rap star in the kitchen… Or something.

8. If you had a good time say ‘I had a good time, we should do it again’. Ladies- Do not arrange a follow up date on the spot, eager pants. Wait for him to contact you later to ask you out again. Boys- Do not arrange a follow up date on the spot, eager pants, contact her in the next couple of days to properly ask her out again.

9. What to wear? While you want to look pretty, do not get overly glammed up.  Getting overly dressed up is going to make you look like you are going to prom. You want to look casual and effortlessly striking. On that note, remember that heels are a must, and let you fit into many different settings.  Remember to look like yourself. I suggest skinny jeans, a loose sweater and some killer shoes. Easy on the black eyeliner.   

10. If you do not want a repeat date…Let them know soon. You do not want to get haunted by messages and phone calls by someone who doesn’t interest you.  Do not lead them on.  Break up with them.  I am really bad at this. After my last (and only) online date I changed my phone number and deleted my profile… I am horrible, I know, he probably thinks I died. So I consulted a website that helps you with this…

“If you’ve only been on one or two dates with a particular person, you can pretty much get away with anything in terms of breaking it off. Since you met online, it’s perfectly acceptable to end things via online messaging or email. In fact, it would actually be strange to break things off in-person…since you’ve only met in-person once or twice! Stick with a nice but firm email: “It was so nice to get to know you on our dates, thank you. I think you are a great person but I don’t see us as a match. Best of luck in your search!””

copied from here http://www.examiner.com/article/breaking-up-online-is-not-hard-to-do

Happy dating

Love M.H.

While looking for the next love of your life you will likely date several randoms: the cute boy from the video store, that guy you picked up at the bar while incredibly intoxicated, the guy you stalked on instagram since forever, the barista from the cool café, etc. these are all good and a learning experience.

The more people you date the better you will know what you do and do not want from a relationship.

Anyways, I have mentioned before that when you first hook up with someone new, you are full of cautious hope that he or she is THE ONE, and it is hard to really determine the kind of person he or she is.

I mean, you’re usually all full of sex and smitten by his/her smell and have the movie Grease on the brain, where you, as a prim and proper heroine, will turn a bad boy into a well behaved investment banker. Or whatever!

You know who can help you? Your (judgmental) friends.

Friends are miracle workers in these situations as they will make you determine whether the guy or girl you are dating is bad news. They see things you don’t and their cleverly crafted questions and comments are not unlike a psychological interrogation.

Here are some tips on how to orchestrate a full character investigation using your friends, and how to judge the behaviour of your new object of desire:

1. The timing. Dragging your new catch to meet your friends after the second date is too soon. Wait until the fourth.

2. The setting. Make sure that it is a comfortable place. I suggest breaking the ice at a bar or a concert; booze is involved and you have something else to look at. This approach dampens the intensity of ‘come meet my friends’, which can be intimidating to some people.

3. Alternate setting. If you want to throw your new catch into the deep end, a dinner party or drinks at someone’s house are the perfect opportunity. Note that this kind of setting is more intimidating and puts a spotlight on the newcomer. His/her behaviour will be likely altered as he/she works hard at impressing your friends.  Do not have a dinner party at your place because it will make him/her feel as if you are trying to play house.

4. How to tell if your crush is nervous. Signs of nerves can include, but are not limited to:

• voice getting louder – this says, look at me, I have stuff to say and I will make my presence known by being loud.
• jokes getting inappropriate – making cracks about AIDS or whatever is used for shock value. This happens under pressure of wanting to impress 6 new ‘friends’.
• he/she starts sweating and pounding back drinks – a clear sign of he/she is feeling inadequate and out of place. Or is an alcoholic. A toss up.
• he/she becomes quiet and stops participating in conversation.

5.    How to help alleviate your crush’s nerves.

(a)  You can steer the conversation away from AIDS and masturbation and onto more company friendly topics. The inappropriate joke has its place, but should not dominate the night.

(b)  You can hold his/her hand to help mellow out the mood. Physical touch has a calming effect.

(c)  You can keep pouring everyone drinks.

6. What not to do. You should not insult your crush or tell him/her that his/her behavior is inappropriate, with everyone around. You can address this later, when alone.

7. Don’t overdo it. While your friends make for an excellent panel of judges, you can’t keep bringing around every single dude you want to bang. You need to have your own criteria for weeding out the stupid ones (some tips here). Your friends step in when you find someone you want to bang more than twice.

I think you are all set.  And remember this, if your crush cannot handle a night out with your friends, you need to reconsider his or her candidature to be your significant other.  How can he/she like you if he/she cannot get along with your friends?

Happy dating!

mh

 How many girls have eating disorders caused by impossible to achieve model bodies? How many actresses have amazing huge perky boobs and the perfect hourglass figure that dudes covet?

Gah, is one supposed to be happy with herself when all around there are women inspirations so gorgeus and so impossible that no one could ever love dowdy mousy us? How are we supposed to live up to models and porn actresses???

Fuck that shit. So you threw up your dinner today, boo hoo.

You know who really has it hard?

Dudes!

While men want us to be voluptuous nymphomaniacs, the expectations women have for dudes are so ridiculous they clearly must have been thought up by a bunch of cock starved bitches who had not had contact with an actual human male in 12 years. Or a bunch of Tweens who only read teen fiction and have been fed a diet of Disney princess since birth.

Romantic comedies, lifestyles of the rich and famous and childhood fairy tales will have us believe that for a dude to be worth of our attention he needs to be impossibly rich, impossibly good looking, fit without being too bulky, helpful and kind to children and old people. He needs to have a job in medicine or finance or something really really important, yet not spend too much time at said job, while raking in enough cash so that you don’t have to work. He needs to be super emotional and in tune with your feelings and moods. He needs to sympathize and talk with you about your cycle; he needs to shower you with thoughtful gifts just because, and be interested in your interests. He needs to fuck like a rockstar and give you 45 min of foreplay, although you’d really much prefer some snuggling and for him to massage the tension out of your shoulders. He should play some kind of instrument. For you to even consider him as a mate he needs to come after you, in the rain and profess his undying love.

Wow.

Suddenly, being expected to wear a pushup bra, deep throat and make a chicken dinner once in a while doesn’t seem like that much work, huh?

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not telling you girls to date scumbags, I just think that a lot of women (and their moms) have impossibly high expectations for a significant other. And when those expectations do not check out we wind out disappointed, angry and trying to force our mate into being someone he is not. So be realistic with what you want. Know the three top requirements you cannot live without, and take the rest with room for compromise.

But pick the requirements that count.

You never know who you’re going to fall in love with and giving someone a chance can end in pleasantly surprising results. Love, MH

ps just so you know this topic came from a conversation with my lover. Who meets so many of the requirements that count that it’s not even funny  :)

Why is it that when we are in love with someone they are glorious and amazing, but after breaking up w them we see their faults. 

So suddenly, —-Artsy indie guy with underground event connections  -

becomes

Jehovah’s witness coke head who wore purple skinny jeans, and probably liked dudes more than girls.

-Travelling film maker party guy

turns to

Fake Buddhist with a dolphin tattoo and a drinking problem.

-Exotic Mediterranean guy who studied at Oxford

is actually

a broke ass loser womanizer who asked you to split on condoms.

-Cuddly thug with big heart

ends up as

a Dumb muscle head jerk with the self awareness of a 9 year old

-Relaxed sporty guy who makes you laugh

=

pot head bike courier without any real income.

Soiiiigh

Dear readers, Time and again this phenomenon occurs. Guy starts out being amazing and after the dust settles we choose to see them under a whole different light.

So, why does this happen? 

Very often we are so excited about being in love and so thrilled that we have found someone who wants to spend loads of time with us that we undergo a type of amnesia.. It’s caused by a mix of hormones and serotonin, and makes us completely retarded.

The truth is, we know exactly what pieces of shit these guys are right from the start, but our deluded little brains sweep all that logical information under the carpet and try to justify it in our favour. So he only made you pay for drinks on your first date because he believes in women equality, and he’s goooooing to get another job, it’s just really hard to find one in his field right now (talentless douchebag freelancer is NoT a field by the way), and he only verbally abused you because he is just SOOO stressed out about his installation exhibit right now (coke withdrawal is a bitch, huh?), and he ended up balls deep in that other broad because he is really scared of his feelings for you, and he hasn’t called you back in a month because he is sorting out his issues to be your perfect man, and he won’t let you spend the night because he has to go work out reeeeeally early.

Right.

We all know what’s wrong with a person as soon as we get with them and it is our choice to acknowledge it or ignore it.

Here are some tips that will potentially help you take the blinders off way earlier than you are used to:

1. Withhold sex. That’s right, I said it. This is not mom advice.  If you choose to get your bang-on on the first date, go right ahead… however AFTER that, take several days- and go on several dates- without getting jiggy.  Let your mind clear up from the serotonin high.  If you have to talk to him and listen to him without getting distracted by his penis, you will be better off at gauging his douchebaggery levels.
2.  Run his questionable behavior by your most judgemental friend or even your mom.  If there are things about him that you are ashamed to tell your friends (or parents), then he is likely bad news.  Your most judgemental friend will tell you that it is wack that he made you hold on to his pound of weed while his car was getting searched by the cops.
3. Check out his relationship with his mom.  And I don’t mean demand to go to his family reunion after 2 weeks of dating. I mean try and talk about families and see how he talks about his mama.  If he treats her with disrespect odds are he will do the same with you.    
4. Check out his friends. Who we roll with represents us.  Don’t forget that. If his friends are douchey scumbags, he probably has some of that in him too. Obviously take this one with a grain of salt. Sometimes we have friends from years ago who are kind of deadbeat, but history keeps us together. This is fine. However, if he recognizes that his friends have issues, there is hope.  If he thinks that his most douchey friends are effin glorious, he is probably a bad scene.
5. does he treat you like a princess at all times? NO?  Then away with him,

I believe that this advice can help you in the long run and avoid a sudden jolt of reality when you come up for air after the honeymoon is over and wonder who the fuck IS this person you went home with a year ago….

And before all you boy readers turn on me, please note that I do recognize that girls are not any different.  This advice applies to girls and boys all the same.  Boys, beware of wack bitches.

And take those damn blinders off!

One day you are making out in an alcove next to your favourite bar with a cute boy and the next thing you know, he is moving in!

EEEEEEEEE!

When you find that special someone who makes you laugh so hard that you almost pee yourself and who also makes you weak at the knees, it is a good idea to test out life togetherness by sharing a space to see if you can coexist. 

This is a petrifying idea that often ruins relationships, so I have collected tips from (super awesome and amazingly wise) readers who do live with their SO’s, to ease the transition from living alone or with roommates, to living with a sexy roommate.  Enjoy!

1. Make it look like “your” place. not “his” or “hers”. Buy furniture together and let him take his ugly favorite chair or his zombie movie posters … and remember you have some stuff he finds super ugly and unnecessary too (like 368 pairs of shoes).

2. Try to set up a corner where you can withdraw- or just move back into a city where you can afford a BIG place and have a whole room for yourself ;)

3. Do not only hang with your significant other.  If you ignore your friends, you’re a cunt.  Have a life outside of your common law relationship. Morphing into a total bubble of annoying emo barf is great, but you need to come up for air and give love to your other friends too

4. Schedule proper date nights. Sex or watching a movie at home does not count.

5. Have dinner (or other meals) with the television off 90% of the time.

6. Divide chores by who likes to do what. Of course, like all good rules there are exceptions. And if you both hate doing everything, divide chores by who hates each chore the least.

7. Ban farting. (Please note, it turns out that farting can be hard to ban.)

8. Make sure your hangout comfy clothes are attractive. Leggings, cozy sweaters, short-short onesies. If you have the tits for it, hang out braless. This is totally the time to purge your underwear drawer. (for tips on your underoos, please refer to this post.

9. Be romantic - leave notes, make his/hers favourite pie, buy his/hers favourite cookies, whatever. My friend hides a chocolate egg for his lady every day and it delights her every time she finds it.

10. Girls, keep a little mystery about what really goes on in the bathroom. For further tips on this refer back to remaining a creature of mystery always!!! 

11. Spend a lot of time naked.

12. Just ask yourself “is this going to matter in a year”… Before throwing any hissy fits

13. But a every now and then a healthy irrational hissy fit is ok occasionally if it means you get to have make up sex….

14. know what to hang up and what to put the in dryer.

15. Build in to your budget money for edible nipple tassels (or stove repairs). Money stresses are a relationship killer so it’s important to factor in these costs that might otherwise fly under the radar.

16. If you can afford it, get a cleaner. You can blame him/her for everything that is lost/broken/misplaced/dirty which avoids lots of arguments (on a side note-unfortunately my request for a topless maid was axed due to cost issues… why do people have to be so logical?)

17. Historically dishwashers have saved many marriages

18. Find out what each other’s pet peeves are and honour avoiding them. I fly into a blind rage when someone queezes the toothpaste out of the middle of the toothpaste tube. I am also very particular about the way peppers have to be cut.

19. See if you can stagger working hours a bit in the am so you keep some of the mystery and so you’re not bumping into each other while you floss/curl your eye lashes.

20. You stilll need to be a WHOLE person so have a life outside the relationship and some personal space in the house

21. Make time to hang out.  When you live together, it’s easy to take each other’s company for granted.  So go on a date, ride bikes or walk your neighbour’s fucking dog.  Watching tv and sex don’t count.

22. Have loads of fun!  Moving in together does not mean you should be turning into a bitter responsible adult. Be silly, get into a food fight (hopefully the day before the cleaning lady comes), laugh till you cry, let go of grudges, and make out a lot!

Lots of Luck from the Modern Hussy! 

Meeting that special someone after years of solitude and make-outs w randos is a glorious time.

You feel as giddy as you did when you were 16 and in love at summer camp.

Your time together consists of hours of kissing, loads of handholding, listening to emo music in bed, incessant make-outs, giggling about silly things and hours of such meaningful conversations…

Your time apart consists of sexting, texting the most banal details of your life (finally someone cares about your internal witty banter), three hour long skype conferences during which you stare at each other longingly while sighing, and general mind in the clouds attitude while thinking about the last glorious jiggy session you had.

It’s a dream……It’s also ridiculously time consuming!!!!

Before you know it, you have ran out of underwear since you never have time to do laundry, the pile of magz by your bed is getting taller, you haven’t been to the gym in three weeks, you’re so sick of eating take out in bed and just want to make a salad, you haven’t seen your friends in ages, and you really want to take a break from shaving your legs.

Relationships take up a lot of one’s time, and while at the beginning, any romantic just wants to devote all hours to his / her significant other, it is really important to maintain one’s individuality. 

In another lifetime, the Modern Hussy spent all her time with her man friend, leaving behind her home city and her friends…One day, out of the blue, she ended up dumped and COMPLETELY alone.  Lesson learned… 

So while I encourage you to dive in head first into a romance, do not forget that the rest of the world is still going on and you still need to check in.  Stay balanced and work on ALL your relationships, not only the ones that ensure you orgasm.

Sometimes it is important to inform your lover that you need the weekend to yourself- be honest and communicate.

Hang our with your friends, go to yoga, catch up on embarrassing shows, clean your room and enjoy your own awesomness!  

Love, M.H.