modern hussy's etiquette

One day you are making out in an alcove next to your favourite bar with a cute boy and the next thing you know, he is moving in!

EEEEEEEEE!

When you find that special someone who makes you laugh so hard that you almost pee yourself and who also makes you weak at the knees, it is a good idea to test out life togetherness by sharing a space to see if you can coexist. 

This is a petrifying idea that often ruins relationships, so I have collected tips from (super awesome and amazingly wise) readers who do live with their SO’s, to ease the transition from living alone or with roommates, to living with a sexy roommate.  Enjoy!

1. Make it look like “your” place. not “his” or “hers”. Buy furniture together and let him take his ugly favorite chair or his zombie movie posters … and remember you have some stuff he finds super ugly and unnecessary too (like 368 pairs of shoes).

2. Try to set up a corner where you can withdraw- or just move back into a city where you can afford a BIG place and have a whole room for yourself ;)

3. Do not only hang with your significant other.  If you ignore your friends, you’re a cunt.  Have a life outside of your common law relationship. Morphing into a total bubble of annoying emo barf is great, but you need to come up for air and give love to your other friends too

4. Schedule proper date nights. Sex or watching a movie at home does not count.

5. Have dinner (or other meals) with the television off 90% of the time.

6. Divide chores by who likes to do what. Of course, like all good rules there are exceptions. And if you both hate doing everything, divide chores by who hates each chore the least.

7. Ban farting. (Please note, it turns out that farting can be hard to ban.)

8. Make sure your hangout comfy clothes are attractive. Leggings, cozy sweaters, short-short onesies. If you have the tits for it, hang out braless. This is totally the time to purge your underwear drawer. (for tips on your underoos, please refer to this post.

9. Be romantic - leave notes, make his/hers favourite pie, buy his/hers favourite cookies, whatever. My friend hides a chocolate egg for his lady every day and it delights her every time she finds it.

10. Girls, keep a little mystery about what really goes on in the bathroom. For further tips on this refer back to remaining a creature of mystery always!!! 

11. Spend a lot of time naked.

12. Just ask yourself “is this going to matter in a year”… Before throwing any hissy fits

13. But a every now and then a healthy irrational hissy fit is ok occasionally if it means you get to have make up sex….

14. know what to hang up and what to put the in dryer.

15. Build in to your budget money for edible nipple tassels (or stove repairs). Money stresses are a relationship killer so it’s important to factor in these costs that might otherwise fly under the radar.

16. If you can afford it, get a cleaner. You can blame him/her for everything that is lost/broken/misplaced/dirty which avoids lots of arguments (on a side note-unfortunately my request for a topless maid was axed due to cost issues… why do people have to be so logical?)

17. Historically dishwashers have saved many marriages

18. Find out what each other’s pet peeves are and honour avoiding them. I fly into a blind rage when someone queezes the toothpaste out of the middle of the toothpaste tube. I am also very particular about the way peppers have to be cut.

19. See if you can stagger working hours a bit in the am so you keep some of the mystery and so you’re not bumping into each other while you floss/curl your eye lashes.

20. You stilll need to be a WHOLE person so have a life outside the relationship and some personal space in the house

21. Make time to hang out.  When you live together, it’s easy to take each other’s company for granted.  So go on a date, ride bikes or walk your neighbour’s fucking dog.  Watching tv and sex don’t count.

22. Have loads of fun!  Moving in together does not mean you should be turning into a bitter responsible adult. Be silly, get into a food fight (hopefully the day before the cleaning lady comes), laugh till you cry, let go of grudges, and make out a lot!

Lots of Luck from the Modern Hussy! 

 Dating is fun.

Sharing time w a significant other or lover can make for some of the most awesome times which can make a girl feel like the ultimate unicorn.

Lying around in bed in your cutest grade a undies, giggling like loons and talking in ways that would make any passerby vomit is pretty awesome. You know when you feel like you could share just about anything with your lover???

Well, there are certain things you should NEVER share.

If you want to maintain your ultimate goddess status in the eyes of your S.O. you have got to learn how to remain a creature of mystery. There are some things that girls do awkwardly or embarrasingly which are adorable to boys, but there are other things which will kill all romance faster than you can say Tom Cruise (I really hate that guy). Please note that I do not think you should act fake or pretend to be someone else, I am merely stating that you need to keep some of your behaviours to yourself .

1. You should never let a dude see your entire getting primped routine. Shaving your legs, picking at things on your feet and plucking hairs from weird places= to be done behind closed doors. Things that make dudes stare at us with longing are applying moisturizer, hairbrushing, putting on make up (very sexy)

2. Clipping your toe nails is to definitely be done in private. Meanwhile, filing and painting your fingernails is totally enticing.

3. Farting or pooping in front of your lover is a definite no-no. Yes, obviously everybody poops and gets gassy sometime. But if you start lighting your farts on fire you have pretty much entered ‘bro’ status and your lover will probably start getting attracted to another pretty thing who doesn’t smell like farts.

I think that’s pretty much it. All other situations are cool and you just need to figure out what your S.O. is into. For instance, some boys adore girls who wear boycut undies while others find this similar to making out with a 12 yr old boy.

Figure out what turns your partner on and milk it. You know those instances where you do something and you pretend you don’t know your lover is watching but you are highly aware of how hot you look?

Find as many of those as possible.

Remaining a creature of mystery WILL ensure that your relationship stays hot!