modern hussy's etiquette

You’re a grown up now.

You have a job, you join professional circles and attend happy hour events.  You take business class when travelling.

These are all great.

And it is fantastic that you can interact with your coworkers (and climb that corporate ladder like the corporate whore you are) in a social setting. But you need to remember one key thing. No matter how well you get along with your peers, and what a great laissez-faire attitude you have in the office… All these events and all these people, they still make up WORK.

So here is how you learn to be a professional party girl (or boy) while still remaining professional.

1. I want you to have fun. And I want you to BE the fun person you are outside of work, but remember that just because a work event includes alcohol and a dj, it doesn’t mean that you are at a rave party.  Keep your composure and limit the grindy dance spurts to a minimum. Actually, scratch that- grindy dancing at work functions is never ok. To achieve this, give yourself a three drink maximum and at all costs avoid doing shots. Those spell more American spring break than a professional who should be taken seriously.

2. Your party ways can never interfere with your work. While on a business trip, several of us went out after dinner. The drinks kept coming, but myself and some others retired to our rooms circa midnight, while a small group continued on. Was I jealous of their bonding and stories of exploring the hotel circa 4 am? Of course I was. But they sauntered to our client’s office at 11 am ordered pizza and giggled in the corner like teenagers (they were 40) annoying the rest of us. 4 months later half of those people are no longer at the company.  Here is the thing, the office staff loves people who are fun, but the boss will pick the nerdy hard worker everytime. Networking only gets you so far. You have to have the work ethic to back it up.

3. If partying does interfere with your work - ie you attend happy hour industry events that end in a make out with a rando at an after hours, followed by rushing into work the next morning still reeking of cheap Pinot Grigio; you might have a problem. Honestly, if you want to get crunk on your own time, that is technically ok, but I’ll warn you that it’s a small world and your supervisor’s cousin’s boyfriend is probably the bartender who cut you off your last round of tequila shots while the lights were going on at the club… Eventually people will realize that you are not merely under the weather every Thursday morning, but might actually be developing a problem with alcohol.  Word gets around so stay classy.

4. Binge drinking has become so acceptable, that it is perfectly ok to sigh into the office 30 min late, with sunglasses on, exclaiming- ‘Gah, I’m SOOOOOO hung over’ and get sympathetic comments of approval from your peers. However, the thing with coworkers is that it is ok to like them, but you shouldn’t necessarily trust them. People are very quick to throw you under the bus if it will benefit them. Don’t be surprised if your less experienced (but better behaved) coworker gets better projects than you.  If you become the well known office party girl, people will likely be afraid to depend on you. So keep even the worst hangover to yourself. Or better yet, end your school nights at 1, and go home to vitamin b and a large glass of water.

5. When travelling for work, maintain the same attitude you have in the office. Don’t get trashed on flights, trains, work dinners, or client meetings.  Don’t forget that if you are female and work in a predominantly male environment, your tolerance is lower than that of men and that is ok.  You can still seem like you are keeping up without passing out on your overpriced business steak.

When taking business flights it is great to enjoy the complimentary champagne that sure beats the vinegary swill they serve in economy.  However, drinking on flights dehydrates you to the max and dehydration makes you look like a leather bag.

You don’t want that, do you?

So have a glass of champagne (ok, three), but not seven!

Stay professional!

*just wanted to add a disclaimer in here - there is one occasion in my professional career where drinking DID help my work, it involves Chinese factory owners, 2.5% beer and a night after which my Eastern Euro booze drinking ways gained me serious respect; but that is a story for another time ;)

A few years ago I decided that I would go through life having the most fun ever. A most difficult quest for a highly emotional individual who thrives at wallowing in self pity and despair.

Warning: this kind of attitude will attract people towards you and cause you to have many friends. People like being around people who bring party and laughter everywhere they go. People are less inclined towards those who are always negative, tired and complain about everything going badly in life.

Whether you are doing it because you just got dumped or because you want to switch it up, here are some key tips on most-fun-ever-having.

1. -Get some highly inspirational friends. I have a few people around me who during a meetup make me feel like I can take over the world. These people are usually in the creative field, they often work from home, they are highly intelligent, they are always full of ‘ideas’ and often convince you to try new things. These people are total keepers, and have quickly made their way into my inner circle.
2. -You have to make the following rule with yourself: you are not allowed to say ‘no’ to any activity anyone proposes- unless it is illegal or dangerous. Please note that this does not require drinking, in fact it is better if it doesn’t. But it often does and that’s also ok.  Having this rule means that you might have to go out on nights when you really just wanted to stay home and wallow in self pity, or that you might have to attend events you never had any interest in with people you didn’t think you’d find interesting. You’d be surprised at who you can meet and what kind of fun you can have while you are attending a lecture on basket weaving, having dinner with vegan lesbians, practicing dance routines from Shakira videos, or learning how to play the theremin.  The other upside to this is that you become a well rounded individual filled with knowledge other people might not possess.  When attending said events try to go by yourself or be invited by a ‘new friend’ you do not know so well.  Going with a friend means that you will spend the night talking to the only person you know.  For this to work, you have to get out of your comfort zone
3. -To add to above point, note that sometimes you will end up at a super lame activity.  For those who have the most fun ever- we know how to make the most out of anything, so try and find something about said activity that amuses you. Be excited about what you are doing! ‘Being excited’ is the new ‘being over it’.  
4. -I have given this advice before but I feel it is important: if anyone says ‘illegal pool party’ or ‘full moon party on a rooftop’ you do not ask questions you just go.
5. -Sleep. All these outings and activities can tire you out. Make sure you section time off for sleep. Lack of sleep = grumpiness. So rest up!
6. -Be active. Parties, late nights, eating foie gras injected hamburgers and champagne can take a toll on your energy levels and your figure. Make sure you stay healthy, active and spend a portion of everyday outdoors.
7. - Be aware of what people think, but don’t let it affect you. I will warn you that having the most fun ever will result in people judging you and labeling you a party slut - even if you were only high on life when you danced on that table on a Tuesday night and have gone to bed alone for the last four months. I like to live by the words of Samantha on Sex and the City: ‘if I cared about what every bitch in town said about me, I would never leave the house.’
8. - Know who your friends are. People like spending time with purveyors of fun, but make sure you differentiate between your party friends and your inner circle. Your besties should be the ones to ground you if you start getting out of control.
9. -Don’t get out of control! Note that having the most fun ever does not mean drinking champagne for breakfast (everyday). There IS a huge difference between being a fun loving awesome individual and a drunk party slut. The line gets often blurred.  Balance boozy activities with non boozy ones.
10. -Invest in some super hot yet comfortable heels. How else are you going to be doing this amount of running from event to event if your feet are bleeding inside of your shoes? And let’s face it, you can’t crash a chi chi party in your high tops everytime.
11. -Treat yourself! You will feel happier and super fab if you do things that are super fab. Book a massage at a fancy spa, have a glass of champagne on a gorg rooftop patio, buy one pair of amazing shoes as opposed to five pairs of low end ones.

Please be warned that having the most fun ever will result in fun!!!

Enjoy

M.H.

We are living in a pretty cool era when anyone can achieve pretty much anything they desire. Technology makes communication between continents incredibly easy, people travel around, change countries and stay mobile.  This has spawned a whole new slew of professions and professional wanna-be’s.  For the majority of the year, the Hussy resides in one of Europe’s most creative, spontaneous, fun, artistic yet cheapest capitals. This is a bag of fun.  Except… for a lot of the other people it attracts.  The Modern Hussy is a Young Urban Professional who loves to slum it and hussles on a daily basis.  Here is an example to help you understand: I enjoy drinking fancy champagne- maintain a professional lifestyle which allows me to purchase it by the carton, but then am totally down with chugging it on the curb. 

But let’s get back to this week’s topic.  As I mentioned, this traveling around lifestyle has taken professionals out of the office and into the café, out of the suit and into limited edition Japo sneakers, establishing a ‘creative class’ (as so aptly coined by the awesome author Richard Florida- look him up!).  However, not everyone IS nor SHOULD be part of the creative class.  Yes, I know it is super trendy and all the kids are doing it. However… some of us… just aren’t that creative.  Here come two self appointed professions which the Hussy despises the most (there are others, I just needed to focus)-

1. installation artist.  High respect to artists AND installation artists. I think about 5% of you are pushing boundaries and exploring new ways of looking at the world. KUDOS! The other 95% are wasting everybody’s time.  If I go to one more opening and see coffee grinders in metal buckets in the middle of a space while a group of dark rimmed-glassed thirty-somethings analyze how this represents femininity I will seriously LOSE IT! YOU ARE NOT AN ARTIST, you just have a lot of crap lying around your flat. You cannot say that this is your job as you are not actually making any money off this venture.  No wonder these people only last in my city for about three months before their money runs out and they have to move back home.  I know, you think what you are doing is meaningful, but it really is not.  Your hand knitted scenes of group orgies used as lampshades aint’s saving lives.  AND SEX IS NOT TABOO, so just get over it already. 
2. blogger. I’m sorry, is this 1998? In case you have not noticed everyone and their grandma has a blog.  It does not make you special or unique.  You do not get to put it on your business card, unless you write for Coolhunting, the Sartorialist or are Susie Bubble or equivalent.  Have you seen those trend forecasting sites with photos of well-dressed people? They usually say something like ‘Celeste, 21, student and blogger’. Ummmm… ok? So Celeste made a tumblr with a couple of videos by Crookers followed by some street shots of Banksy’s art and an emo entry about her cat and the clouds or whatever… How is this her occupation????  Clearly investing into that Sexology through the eyes of Nietzsche class in college was a good choice for a financial future. Blogging is NOT an occupation. It is something one does as a hobby or as a way of wasting time at work.

Why can’t people just be happy telling it like it is: ‘I am a desk job sitting accountant, it is boring as f%$k, but the benefits package is AWESOME.. and… I really dig numbers!’

Additionally, if you are a graphic designer and you just happened to put one of your logos on an object this does NOT make you an industrial designer / if you have a vimeo account, you are NOT a documentary maker / and just because you selected tracks off a cd at your friend’s bar one time you are NOT a dj.

On a slightly different note, dear readers, the Hussy needs your stories. Please send me one liners of ‘deal breakers’ from your objects of interest. you know… things you thought you could ignore because you really wanted to get into their pants, but later realized that you should have listened to your instincts!