Conflict between lovers is very common.
No two brains are alike and everyone has an opinion.
Environmental factors add to the mix, as people are affected by weather, sleeping patterns and the moon (we all know that’s true). This often creates friction between individuals driving them to argue. Conflict itself is not a bad thing. Any relationship that is built only on cupcakes and blowjobs is actually dangerous, as the people involved have absolutely no idea how to resolve a fight. While it is good to be happy and get along, the strength of a relationship can be measured based on conflict resolution.
Like in any sport there are clean players and dirty players, good tactics and bad ones. See the Modern Hussy’s etiquette to a clean positive fight.
1. Don’t forget that even though you are angry at the moment, you are still on the same team.
2. Physical violence is never the answer.
3. Neither is screaming, yelling or throwing things.
4. Attack the issue at hand, not your opponent. AKA don’t call him or her names. Deal with the problem.
5. Try and take a time out to collect your thoughts before going in with more fire. Ask yourself what are you actually trying to accomplish.
6. As mentioned in previous posts, ask yourself ‘Is this going to matter in a year?’
7. Make sure you recognize environmental factors, which might be affecting your mood. Are you sleep deprived? Did you do shots of tequila at 4 am and are you on a post rager hangover? Is this a low blood sugar situation and do you need to mash a banana in your face? Are you PMSing? If you have answered ‘yes’ to any of the above, it is likely that your argument is highly affected by these factors.
Retreat ! Retreat!
This might be one of those cases where you are throwing a fit you will feel really stupid about later.
8. Bargain! Know that you can’t always get your way, but recognize that in a relationship you should give and receive. For instance, know that giving up a shoe display wall at the entrance of your apartment is well worth vetoing him from hanging up posters of horror movies.
9. Lose the ego. Admitting that you are wrong doesn’t make you weak. It’s a partnership, so win some, but let your S.O. win some too. Sometimes you need to be prepared to take one for the team and be the logical, understanding one.
10. Don’t hold a grudge. If your partner reaches out, don’t walk away in a huff. Go over there and demand a make up make out.
Have Fun Making Up!
*Disclaimer: after having read all that I hope that you can differentiate between a healthy argument, or occasional hissy fit and a dysfunctional relationship. Arguing constantly is NOT normal, nor should it be written off as a passionate love. Passion should be expressed by ripping one another’s clothes off, or a forceful make out against a wall, not tears and unhappiness.