Today’s topic is based on a question asked by one of my readers.
Do you feel like you are constantly chasing your tail? Like you are not really advancing in life? Like you are doing the same stuff day in and day out and like you haven’t accomplished a thing in life? Are you constantly comparing yourself to your friends and wishing that you had their job, boyfriend, luscious ponytail or buns of steel?
Do you make pacts with yourself stating that you will be better, more focused, smarter, work out more, eat less gluten, make more money, drink less coffee, bake muffins for coworkers, watch more documentaries, sit on your ass less and shortly win a Nobel prize for something truly amazing?
Do you wonder how you ended up living in a frat house with two dudes and two cats, don’t actually own any furniture, are kinda broke all of the time and barely have time to shower in the morning? All this while your friends are off marrying doctors, flying to exotic locations for the weekend, making adorable babies and succeeding at everything they touch?
I sure do.
It is so strange how no matter how much one has accomplished it never seems like enough. It seems that others have easier lives, have made smarter choices, seem to have more hours in the day and are at the right place in life for their age.
These kinds of thoughts are extremely toxic and I try to make a point of stopping them, before they spiral out of control, leaving me depressed and discouraged.
Please note that checking in with the status of those around you to see how you are doing is a good thing and can be used as a fantastic motivator. The alternative- envy or jealousy – is a horrible way of dealing with this state of mind.
When feeling inadequate or useless, keep in mind the following
- Someone you know is thinking that your life is superior to their life at this exact moment. They probably envy the fact that you have no responsibilities and that every day of your life feels like teenage summer.
- It is really easy to be extremely self critical. Instead of looking at the things you have not done, make a list of the ones you have. Having one of the members of the Wu Tang sign my boobs might not be a status symbol, but it sure makes my life stories amazing
- If you feel stuck / miserable in a job, relationship, housing situation change something. Quit your job, dump your S.O., move out or beg one of your friends to let you couchsurf till conditions improve. There will be other jobs, other lovers, and other apartments. Change one thing, and watch the others fall into place.
- Things might have to get worse before they improve. So you might get slightly more in debt or feel lonely for a little while longer, but you gotta keep on trucking and keep focus of your goals.
- Remember that money- while it does give you certain freedoms- is not everything.
- Make a list of all the things you want. Picture yourself in the life you want. You gotta fake it till you make it.
- Mentally tell yourself you are awesome everyday.
- Stop drinking whiskey, start exercising. Declutter your room and make your bed everyday. Feel good and life will be good.
- Don’t give up. If work seems to be going to shit and you feel like you are sucking, try harder, work some overtime, learn something valuable, suck up to the right seniors.
- Be realistic. There are certain things that you can change (like financial situation or marital status) and some you cannot (like your height or ability to do math).
- Know that wherever you are at any given moment, is exactly where you should be. Life just works out like that. So even if you feel like you are far behind all your friends, you really are not. You are just doing the things that are right for YOU.
Enjoy life! It’s fun!