While looking for the next love of your life you will likely date several randoms: the cute boy from the video store, that guy you picked up at the bar while incredibly intoxicated, the guy you stalked on instagram since forever, the barista from the cool café, etc. these are all good and a learning experience.
The more people you date the better you will know what you do and do not want from a relationship.
Anyways, I have mentioned before that when you first hook up with someone new, you are full of cautious hope that he or she is THE ONE, and it is hard to really determine the kind of person he or she is.
I mean, you’re usually all full of sex and smitten by his/her smell and have the movie Grease on the brain, where you, as a prim and proper heroine, will turn a bad boy into a well behaved investment banker. Or whatever!
You know who can help you? Your (judgmental) friends.
Friends are miracle workers in these situations as they will make you determine whether the guy or girl you are dating is bad news. They see things you don’t and their cleverly crafted questions and comments are not unlike a psychological interrogation.
Here are some tips on how to orchestrate a full character investigation using your friends, and how to judge the behaviour of your new object of desire:
1. The timing. Dragging your new catch to meet your friends after the second date is too soon. Wait until the fourth.
2. The setting. Make sure that it is a comfortable place. I suggest breaking the ice at a bar or a concert; booze is involved and you have something else to look at. This approach dampens the intensity of ‘come meet my friends’, which can be intimidating to some people.
3. Alternate setting. If you want to throw your new catch into the deep end, a dinner party or drinks at someone’s house are the perfect opportunity. Note that this kind of setting is more intimidating and puts a spotlight on the newcomer. His/her behaviour will be likely altered as he/she works hard at impressing your friends. Do not have a dinner party at your place because it will make him/her feel as if you are trying to play house.
4. How to tell if your crush is nervous. Signs of nerves can include, but are not limited to:
5. How to help alleviate your crush’s nerves.
(a) You can steer the conversation away from AIDS and masturbation and onto more company friendly topics. The inappropriate joke has its place, but should not dominate the night.
(b) You can hold his/her hand to help mellow out the mood. Physical touch has a calming effect.
(c) You can keep pouring everyone drinks.
6. What not to do. You should not insult your crush or tell him/her that his/her behavior is inappropriate, with everyone around. You can address this later, when alone.
7. Don’t overdo it. While your friends make for an excellent panel of judges, you can’t keep bringing around every single dude you want to bang. You need to have your own criteria for weeding out the stupid ones (some tips here). Your friends step in when you find someone you want to bang more than twice.
I think you are all set. And remember this, if your crush cannot handle a night out with your friends, you need to reconsider his or her candidature to be your significant other. How can he/she like you if he/she cannot get along with your friends?
I have very recently come back from a beach vacation.
Although I am usually a more ‘off the beaten path’ traveller, this time my lover and I decided to do something easy and cheap- the all inclusive resort.
Pretty much as soon as we got there we realized that going to an all inclusive resort was prooooobably a mistake for the likes of us (creative childless couple in our early ish thirties, who live downtown, buy 40$ olive oil and don’t own a car).
All inclusive resorts on average are filled with people who live in the suburbs, and think of themselves as world travellers because they have been to two resorts in Cuba and one in Mexico.
We tried to keep an open mind and enjoy it for what it is, but as the week went by we kept becoming more and more disenchanted with our fellow vacationers.
First of all, has everyone decided to collectively let themselves go and we didn’t get the memo? girls and boys on their 20s were out of shape blobs of flabbiness. It wouldn’t hurt you to move once in a while. Exercise has some excellent life benefits, you know. It’s kind of a problem when your 55 year old mom has a banging body while you trail behind all slob like and slouching.
We got a false sense of ego as everyone else was Fat and disgusting, waddling around while sipping sugary sex on the beach from giant mini keg sized insulated receptacles.
Which brings me to my next rant. I get it, you brought your insulated cup, you don’t like using disposable cups and like your drink to keep cool. However does your ‘cup’ need to be the size on a mini keg, and must you fill up seven of them on your trip to the bar?
Also, I can’t help but notice that you have refilled your keg-cup three times at the swim up bar yet have not left the pool. Do you have an abnormally large bladder? No, you don’t, you are full on pissing in the pool.
I hate you.
Would you believe me that this far I had managed to avoid the ‘Gundam Style’ song?
I make sure I don’t get exposed to things that will piss me off…
This came to an end on my vacation, as clearly the resort played it at every possible chance, while all the uglies danced. Wow, what a way to make yourself look even more unattractive!
I had never wished more for zombie apocalypse.
I could go on, but it will probably make me sound even more shallow. Hehe
Anyhow, next year, Art Basel Miami instead?
*note: No insult to Prada is intended. Name used only to prove a point. It could be any brand….
‘Taste’ has been a recent buzzword in my life.
As in ”She (or he) has really good taste. “
I have been thinking about this a lot, because frankly I often disagree with the statement being stated about certain people.
This has lead me to start analyzing what is taste. Some people will swear that the big fashion houses are what dictates taste. Bloggers will define good taste as a mix of vintage finds and expensive items all photographed on themselves by their gay boyfriends. And then there is the world of fast fashion which is a whole other can of worms.
Let’s start with fast fashion.
Do people who shop at H&M and Zara have good taste? You can get the full rip off of the Balenciaga collection at Zara about a month after runway, yet it is also cheap, badly manufactured crap that falls apart and starts pilling after four wears. Zara is amazing at merchandising, giving you the full look option making you look very well put together. You don’t really need to use your brain if you are a ‘Zara girl’, but also you are more than guaranteed to run into someone wearing the exact same outfit as you.
I think we can agree that people with taste have originality and wearing the same outfit as every bitch in town is the opposite of that. Buying key pieces here and there to merge with other finds is ok, but if you run to HM every week to get the item of the moment you are just adding to the landfills. Polluting is not sexy!
Bloggers are a herd of their own. It must be nice to be a SusieBubble or a Blonde Salad or Sea of Shoes… Running off to fashion shows, collaborating with key brands, and being adored by girl fans around the world.
But really… Who says that these girls know where it’s at with fashion?
Have you seen their outfits?
Half the time I cringe with disgust as they mix attrotious prints, wear costume like contraptions, and vouch for items that are never going to be a trend. It’s really great that you wore plaid jodhpurs with pointy white ankle boots, a vintage Dolce flower printed blouse and a hat with a feather on it! But note that being weird and different does not automatically get you an A+ in taste.
While following blogs is a fun distraction, I hardly see them as THE bible of style.
This leads us to the fashion houses.
When time for runway comes, fashionistas all over the world get their panties bunched up trying to figure out who will have the ‘it’ piece this season. Personally, i like about 5 designers and really cant get on board with models who look like old Russian grandmothers or ugly dudes.
But who buys this crap? Even the ready to wear?
Women with large amounts of disposable income, that’s who.
Frankly running out to get a gold Balmain blazer for 7000$ every season is hardly a true test of good taste. Also, let’s think about who in the world has large amounts of disposable income (not counting famous people)….
1. Old rich ladies,
2. Young girls married to rich dudes.
Soooooo if we say that the fashion houses set the pace, yet the only people who wear the brands are the two aforementioned groups, then we are really letting old rich ladies and golddiggers set the tone for good taste?
Really? Sorry, but you don’t automatically have good taste if you own vintage Chanel, and money can’t buy good taste.
My friend LK who has excellent taste states:
“the first step in having good taste is caring about details and investing in well made basics that will last and building on them each season. you may just need a new scarf or pair of pants to update your look. you will probably spend the same amount of money as someone who goes crazy and buys 5 pairs of cheap shoes /10 sweaters / 3 coats blahblahblah each season.
I would rather support a designer who has spent years cultivating a style. they should get paid. i’m against blatant knock offs. choosing a few designers you are into can help limit your fashion choices and helps you build a personal style. you won’t need to overhaul your wardrobe every season and still look current. how would you chose something otherwise?? there are so many choices you will just be tempted to buy everything all the time “
Fully agree, LK.
To sum up, good taste can be interpreted in different ways by different people, and most importantly- taste is subjective. So the next time you hear that someone has really good taste, don’t just blindly believe it, form you own opinion.
Made with Paper
I know, I know
I have been a bad little blogger, abandoning you guys with no advice and no hatred for weeks now.
I am sorry.
Really and truly.
First i was behind the great firewall of China, working so much that only 5 hours of sleep were a treat in between work sessions, and then to counteract that, i left for the beach for a week.
The good news is, I have three posts in the works for you and will be posting regularly again.
I am not abandoning this blog. The Hussy hussies on.
You’ve been in back to back relationships since you were 16, and suddenly at twenty something find yourself single, and (un)ready to face the dating world.
(Let’s assume the initial three month mourning period of renting 4 horror films from the 90s and falling asleep hugging the cats is over, and you have truly decided to dive head first into ‘the game’).
Sista! I’ve been there and it was a complete disaster. So here is my wisdom on how to date with as little risk as possible.
1. You have to remind yourself that you are now single, and you have to realize that in all likelihood the next dude you meet will NOT be your Prince Charming. (This happens like 2% of the time and if it does, good for you, but please do not assume it).
2. Based on field research I would suggest dating people you are not head over heels about, so that you can remain calm and not get your panties in a knot everytime you think of him or her. Things are going to feel confusing and you need to stay on top of your emotions. Note that if you date your ultimate crush too soon it is probably going to be disappointing / or you will without a doubt fuck it up.
Sticking to randos and people you only kind of like is a better way. Think of it as practice. Actually on your first round back out I’d suggest bedding someone ridiculously hot, who you have absolutely no interest and nothing in common with. This is a great ego booster that you can send right out the door when you are done with it.
3. Sex is going to happen. You’re used to relationship sex and odds are you are just going to bang who ever you are dating quickly- remember to use protection. I cannot stress this enough. As a side effect of relationship sex, you are likely going to be relaxed about condoms. Don’t be!!! You know those stories of people getting Knocked up on a post break up one night stand? Happens ALL the time. Also, you don’t want to get the clap your first session back in the game. Stay safe!!!
4. On the flip side don’t have sex if you are not ready for it. Nothing more awkward than bursting into tears at the sight of a new penis.
5. Learn to control crazy lady-brain. We girls are doomed, as essentially as soon as we bang someone we develop an attachment. We can’t help it, it’s part of our DNA. So learn how to detach your brain from your vagina. Just because you had sex with him doesn’t mean that you should be bringing him soup when he is sick, calling him to say goodnight and assuming you are going on a date on Friday night. Big casual dating no-no!!
6. Beware of having your ex kinda sorta in the picture. It’s hard to be on a date with someone new when your ex is blowing up your phone with hysterical texts and voicemails wondering where you are at 4 am.
7. To keep dating casual make sure that you follow time-rules. No dates on two consecutive nights/ no hanging out with his or her friends/ no lingering in your inside clothes watching movies and eating Thai take out- these are all relationship behaviours!
8. Have no qualms. Feeling bad about dating numerous people has got to stop. Casual dating is essentially pitting as many potential partners against one another to see who you will benefit from the most. It is their challenge to woo and impress you. May the best wooer win (accept all gifts, dinners, trips, and comps graciously, but like its no big deal).
9. Disasters will occur. Between my besties and me we have enough dating disaster stories to write a book series. Learn to laugh at the disasters, then reboot and start over. Don’t waste your time on assholes or people who are completely unsuitable partners. Learn to recognize a bad scene and remove yourself from the situation at once.
10. And when you come home from another disastrous date just remember that this is a learning process, and with every disappointment you learn what you want and do not want in a relationship! That way, when you find a good one, you will just know! :)
Happy dating, from the Modern Hussy!!
Recently some asshole stole my phone.
I felt like I lost a loved pet and felt sad at the thought of my photos from the last two years disappearing into nothingness (I’m bad with backups… ) .
It was a very emotional time for me, one that left me sad and defeated, and also violated. People are assholes, and I feel like there is little decency left in the world.
After a couple of days of living sans media device I started noticing certain changes in my day to day.
1. I suddenly had much more time in the morning. My usual wake up routine consists of snoozing about 7 times, while bargaining away all daily tasks for another 7 minutes of sleep. So bye breakfast, bye unproven outfit, bye …shower? Hey, it happens to the best of us.
Without device I was relying on my lover to set an alarm on his phone for me, which meant no snooze time. It also meant no internetting in the morning. No feeding of virtual pets, no Instagram stalking, no email checking, no real estate browsing, no groupon buying. Instead, I used this time to pick out cool outfits that spanned beyond jeans-and-a-sweater, made nutritious brekkies, packed a lunch and had great morning hangouts with my lover.
Not gonna lie… It’s made my mornings really enjoyable and much less stressful!
2. Having a data phone means you no longer have to think. I ran to the post office to mail an important package. As soon as I got there, I realized I never bothered to write down the address, because I am so used to having access to all information at all times! ‘No problem, I’ll just call someone and get them to look up the address for me!’ I thought. Call who? The only phone number I know by memory is my own and that of my parents house.
The same day I had to travel off my normal path to run an errand. To get to the desired location I had to look up my route on a map in the metro, and ask two strangers for the time to figure out if a bus was coming! I realize how silly it sounds, but we have completely eliminated human interaction and map reading, since we mostly just follow a blue dot on a screen, never looking up… It felt so adventurous! Real life is so much for exciting than a screen!
3. Accountability. Notice how no one is ever on time anymore? Since We can tweet, text or wall post the fact the we are going to be late, so many don’t truly to be on time. This is just disrespectful. And speaking of disrespect, how often do we ignore the people we are with or answer texts during dinner or in the middle of a conversation?
Thanks to an amazing friend I have a new data phone which I am already loving. But last week’s experience has taught me the joys of phone free time. So unplug sometime and focus on what’s around you. Remember: people > objects
I had a post read to go and then some asshole at a party stole my phone last night- the post was on it. :( i’m going to have to rewrite it. Sorry for the delay, readers!
Everyone should date a jerk. It’s true.
At some point of your life you should definitely go out with the player, the asshole, the loser, or the thug who breaks your heart. This is a great activity to pursue in your dating life as it teaches you about relationships, teaches you what you do not want in a relationship and - when you find the ultimate sweetheart- makes you appreciate him or her so much more. Girls who only date nice guys make me nervous. They are a definite ticking bomb, waiting to go off the first time a partner denies them anything.
The thing is… For life to work in logical ways, you should get the cool bad boys and bad news losers out of the way early, in your late teens and twenties. This way, when you start looking for a life partner, you are very clear about the people who have the potential to become your one and only forever.
Obviously, life never works in logical ways, and what often happens, is you have long term boyfriends throughout your twenties and at thirty something find yourself single and bearing the dating world for the first time ever.
This is not a bad thing. Plenty of people stay unattached longer, focusing on their careers and self development, and if they got married at twenty one you can catch them on round two when their high school sweetheart marriage inevitably falls apart. If you are dating at thirty you have to determine what is your objective:
are you looking to get your number up?
Are you in it just for some fun?
Are you looking for your life partner and future baby daddy?
It is extremely important to classify this ASAP, because in your thirties you need to be on point. There is no time to waste! SOOO if your objective is to be preggers in approximately 15 months, then dating the unstable freak show who bangs others on the side and doesn’t have a savings account is prooooobably a bad idea.
I’m with you, the damaged ones are way more interesting and intriguing (plus we all have that unexplained need to save something), but unless you are writing a novel about disasters in dating you should stay away.
Timing… If you were twenty something then you could look at this as a fun social experiment. And a ‘just for now’ situation. But you are not twenty something… Go after what you deserve NOW!