modern hussy's etiquette

This week’s post comes to us via a question from my dear friend TLD.

She writes:
You know what i’ve been wondering lately, Hussy? should i be dressing differently now that i’m 30? i think about it in my jean cutoffs and ppl are condescending to me cuz they think i’m 20…

This is a very valid question, made even more valid by the fact that TLD looks much younger than she is. This happens to a lot of people I know in their thirties (self included)… Most of us have jobs that do not require a true business wardrobe and most stores now carry items that blur the line between teen and adult. As a result, you are left with a slew of shorty short wearing, sneaker wedge sporting, loose tanktopped women whose outfit matches perfectly that of girls fifteen years their junior.
Back in the day (in the 80s and 90s) there was a defining point of when a female went from girl to woman. This usually came with marriage or the birth of a child- which happened in her twenties. Saying ‘I do’ or pushing a baby out  seemingly got one a lobotomy as well, and women would trade their jumpers and their torn denim and their Doc Martens and their pigtails for palazzo pants, a simple blouse and sensible footwear (blarg). These days, marriage is scarce and childbirth seems to encourage people to dress their babies up like tiny little hipster versions of themselves.

I decided to conduct a real life experiment using my corporate office as a petri dish.

I traded my sneakers, tanks and shorty shorts for button ups, high wasted skirts and huge heels. Just for a week. I actually got up a whole ten min earlier and applied make up. And blew dried my hair. The result? The big bosses actually started asking my opinion in meetings, and everyone was a whole lot nicer.

So, the shallow jury is in. When you put effort into what you are wearing and you make it appropriate to the situation, people treat you with more respect.
With that said, note that there are exceptions to every rule. One of my besties conducts really important board meetings wearing a unicorn hoodie and looking about 18. But, she is a business shark and can talk any CEO into increasing her budget.
So wear whatever you want, if you can still hold your own with your brain. If you are 30 but dress like you are 20 and act like you are 20, then you got problems. But if you are a smart cookie and  like young fashion then fuck all the cunts who condescend you, they are just jealous that they are starting to ‘look their age’ and have to wear spanks to formal events.

The key to balancing your age and your clothing preferences is to ask yourself a few simple questions before leaving the house

1. Do I look like a 35 year old Lolita?
2. Did I used to wear this to rave parties 10 years ago?*
3. Am I wearing anything old or ripped (in a non fashionable way)?
4. Did this come from H&M for kids?
5. Am I wearing too many accessories?
If you answered yes, you definitely want to take a second look at what you have on. No one wants to appear matronly, so don’t feel the need to shop on the third floor of the department store (career woman, blargh). Just rock your own style, update it with some key pieces and dress for the situation.

*the 90’s are back and rave fashion is just around the corner, kiddies. I hope you kept your SNUG pants!


Luv M.H.

Skinny chicks have it easy, right?.
They are kind of like a coat rack and can get away with throwing on a long t shirt and wearing it as a dress while looking totally fabulous.
This is why I really admire girls with curves who know how to pull themselves together in a sexy yet tasteful manner.
Today’s post is for one of my awesome readers who asked how to successfully dress for curves.
So, here are my tips If you got a big booty and tits:

1. Accentuate the waist. Thank gah for madmen bringing voluptuous sexy back. Apparently Christina Hendricks is the same height and weight as me, however this is total proof that weight can be differently distributed from person to person as our figures have noooooothing in common… But I digress. Chinch at the waist! Always. Don’t have a waist? Get a hoola hoop and a yoga matt for situps and ensure that your top and your bottom are out further than your middle. Seriously, you will have dudes panting at you as you badunka dunk your way around. Dudes LOVE the hourglass. And many love it a whole lot more than a skinny chick.
This means buy dresses with a waist, get some cool belts and avoid the empire waist (makes EVERYONE look preggers)
2. Avoid all over prints. Sorry ladies but the oh so hot Zara floral (barf) is not for you. Stick to solids, as busy all over prints make objects look larger than they appear. With that said you can deffo get away with a geometric or super simple print on one part of your body (top OR bottom, not both).
3. Watch the hemline. I give this advice to girls of all sizes and also I am the biggest fan of short shorts in the world, but remember that showing too much flesh is bad. Be weary of cellulite and large parts of the leg, and cover up appropriately. it’s amazing how much more class an extra inch or two can give you
4. Watch the tight stuff! Everyone loves wearing a tube of stretchy material and calling it a skirt, but make sure that you stay balanced. Wear a looser top and make sure your tight skirt is the right size for you. Looking like a series of encased sausages is really unappetizing. Longer skirts will create the illusion of height making you appear slimmer.
5. Obviously I’m going to talk about shoes… Again, stay balanced. My feet are quite small relatively to how tall I am so when wearing ballet flats my thighs look like full prosciutto legs. My feet seem so small in comparison. If you have big legs wear boots, wedges, or heels with skirts, and reserve your ballerinas to be worn with pants.
6. If you are bottom heavy, avoid items that accentuate the hips. Tapered pants and tiiiight skirts might not look as good on you as flowing skirts and looser pants . Avoid pleats, pockets or any details around the hips and belly.
7. You are going to have to ignore some trends. I do this all the time. Just because all the girls are wearing shapeless caftan dresses in floral prints doesn’t mean I should. Find items that flatter your figure and stick with them. You can still stay on trend via shoes and relevant colour schemes, but create your own kick ass flattering personal style!

Easy, right?
Luv
MH

here is a reblog for all those who need it

I know that summer is almost over but I think this needs to be said.

 Recently, I had the pleasure of attending a music festival. You know, overpriced bud beer, jail bait in bikinis drunk for the very first time, disgusting toilet situation, an overpacked outdoor venue that wasn’t meant to be a place for a concert.
It’s a drag, but it’s also a way to see 12 of your favorite bands in a span of 36 hours. And really, it’s all about the music.
It’s a potentially horrendous way to spend the weekend if not done right. So, here are my suggestions of what to do and not do at an outdoor music fest:
1. Do dress accordingly. This IS the time to wear all those things that seem inappropriate for all other outings. So be ridiculous. And have fun. Wear clothes that you don’t really care about because they will likey get ruined. All those ‘festival fashion’ blog posts are a total lie. Most peeps look like filthy, sweaty mess and are deffo not wearin their new Dries Van Noten ankle booties.  On that note not wearing your pants does make you look like a cheap and easy ho. Ya, I’m talking to you, girl who wrapped herself in half a sarong and then ripped it and walked around with her ass out.

2. It’s gonna be hot. Or it’s going to pour rain. Make sure you try and stay out of the sun or wear something, anything on your head. If it rains you might as well give up and accept the fact that you are getting soaked through. If you thought ahead you may have brought a rain coat- bonus points for smart thinking. If you did not pack any rain gear, garbage bags make amazing rain coats and if you’re lucky one of the sponsors may be giving away branded ponchos.

3. Try and drink some water. 6$ shitty festival beer is delicious I’m sure and those frat boys you made friends with have been sharing the flask of Jameson they smuggled in, but note that lack of hydration + desert sun = you vomiting and spending your night in the first aid tent as opposed to trying to meet the guitarist of Florence and the Machine.

4. Often the organizers think its a brilliant idea to hose down the crowd for cooling down purposes. This is mildly demeaning but often welcome in intense heat. Alas, your phone and wallet is getting soaked through the canvas tote bag you brought- ziplock bags can save your life here, as can a waterproof pack- they are cool.

5. Bringing a giant bag, putting it at your feet and getting mad while people trip over it makes you an asshole. Go stand in the back or coat check your bag

6. Holding hands with 47 of your friends to walk through the crowd makes you all douchebags.

7. Boys: going with seven of your closest dude friends and all wearing matching tank tops assures everyone you are predatory douche bags.

8. Trying to channel Kate Bosworth at Coachella by wearing cowboy or ankle boots and leather in intense heat makes you look ridiculous. First of all Kate has VIP and is not clawing her way through the crowd like you are and second of all you look like a drowned rat and those boots must smell delicious.

9. Footwear. Where do I start? Anything you wear will get wrecked. So fuck fashion and wear old ass sneakers you don’t care about. Personally, I like combat boots, they actually stay dry and allow me to trample over mud and puddles. They look good with shorty shorts or a dress cuz the 90s are back. And also they don’t hurt if some asshole steps on you. Flip flops, ballerinas and moccasins are the worst, since you will likely lose one and have to walk around the festival barefoot which does not make you look like summer of love but does make you look like a train wreck of a disaster. Plus porta potties barefoot???. Ugh!!!

10. If you are wearing flip flops have your friend hold then while you crowd surf. Seriously, nothing looks more awkward than trying to keep them on while strangers are feeling you up above the crowd.

11. Bring a pack of Kleenex. Toilet paper lasts for like the first hour of any music festival.

12. Avoid getting so messed up that you are rolling around on the dirty crowd laughing like a loon. Unless you want to end up on a “don’ts” blog with the headline “Mushrooms!”

13. Festival make outs with randos are kind of like a relationship at summer camp: you should break up when it’s time to go home.

Have fun and rock on!

<3

M.H.