modern hussy's etiquette

As you may be able to tell from the lateness of my posts, I have entered the corporate world for a moment.  Don’t worry guys, I will not leave you.  I now have more valuable life etiquette lessons than ever.  You get exposed to a lot of people’s rudeness when you are actually forced to leave the house for more than to get drinks, pick up food and / or boys. 

I love the work.  It is stimulating, having collegues to bounce ideas off of and working as part of a talented team is amazing and challenging.  I’m happy!

What I do hate… is lunch. 

Let’s start off with the fact that I work in fashion, and half those bitches don’t eat.  Everyone is really busy / thin and survives on skinny lattes and the occasional snack.  As much as I’m in favour of the heroin chic look, and think most people should eat less, I do need healthy food to function, and don’t like having to have to eat it while I work. 

I miss European lunch, which took 2+ hours and came with the option of half a liter of water OR wine….

It is one thing to talk projects, discuss trends and strategies, but when I have to hang with strangers who I am only remotely interested in on a personal level for an hour… Shouldn’t lunch be YOUR time? A time when you take off your pants, eat something delicious- and freshly prepared, maybe watch an episode of Pretty Little Liars or porn…?

It should be relaxing and stress free, and most importantly spent only with people you actually like.  Instead, you are sitting in uncomfortable chairs, eating overpriced wholegrain tuna wraps, and having polite conversation about ‘safe’ topics.  Who would have thought that saying ‘vagina’ over lunch is so schocking? Siiiiiiiigh…. The corporate world doesn’t get me at all.

Of course there is no way of getting out of it, you are expected to be a team player and hiding away at lunch, or leaving the office makes you the opposite of that.  Companies don’t like that. They like team players.  It saddens me that my performance will be judged not only on my skills, but on networking and social behavior as well.

So what can I do?

I can’t train myself to stop using swearwords as punctuation, or not eat, or wear pants.

Anyone need a trophy wife?

Selecting someone to be your date for a social event is hard work.

You might be looking for someone who is way cooler than school to help raise your street cred, you might want to bring a drop dead gorg creature, you might want to take a friend who makes you laugh and is guaranteed to make the experience a blast, or you might select a companion who’s wit, charisma and knowledge of trivia will impress everyone!

Selecting a plus one is far more complicated than bringing your significant other. I am a big fan of flying solo at most social events (why bring a date when there could be a potential make out prospect you haven’t met yet!?), but I do realize that sometimes you just don’t want to go alone. Industry events and launches of restaurants that are way cooler than I am are a torture alone. Looking for someone to talk shop with is excrutiating and too many people at such parties take themselves way too seriously.

But when selecting a plus one, you have to be really careful, as making the wrong choice might spoil the party.  When looking for a plus one I try to find a well-rounded individual who feels comfortable in any situation.  On that note I make sure that I select my plus ones based on the event.  For instance, bringing princess to a sneaker launch would not be a well matched deal.  Additionally he or she has to be friendly and it does not hurt if he or she is easy on the eyes.     

When you have been selected to be someone’s plus one, you have your end of the bargain to uphold.  Please see below some tips that will ensure that you act according to the rules of being a good plus one. 

1.  Do not be late- leaving your date waiting for longer than ten minutes is very rude.  You got invited to be a good companion, and missing in action kind of defies that.
2.   Dress well- rolling into a party wearing yoga pants or anything you consider ‘comfy’ clothes is unacceptable. This might not be an actual date on a romantic level, but you are still required to take care of your appearance
3.  Do not spend the whole evening checking your phone, updating your fb or messaging.  Again, you came with someone, so be a respectful companion. 
4.  Act remotely interested in whatever the party is for. I’m just as bored of installation art as you are, but sometimes you need to be a good sport, and being over things is SO over.
5. Do not drink all the free booze.  Try and stop at 2 complimentary beverages (3 max).  I’d rather be drinking something delicious as opposed to cheap art show white anyways.
6. Do NOT ditch the person you came with. This is probably the most important rule.  You came to accompany your friend.  Under no circumstances are you to ditch them.  You do not have to be glued to their side, but peacing out the minute you see someone else you know is a nono. 
7.  As a follow up to 6. when you run into someone else you know, be polite and introduce your date to him/her. Only once you see conversation flowing it is appropriate to sneak off for a quick makeout in the backroom with someone else.  But DO come back to your date after- you came together.    

A perfect plus one is every girl’s dream.  Sadly, my perfect plus one stayed on another continent.  S is very handsome, intelligent, friendly, witty and a bag of fun at every party.  S, I miss you!!!!  

Hi Readers, I am just about done this week’s post, but not quite yet.  I will post it tomorrow I prooooooomise!

(of course instead of writing, I spent the weekend hussying- you know, research)

Luv

MH

This week I would like to talk about an important life lesson.

I was going to a very corporate office for a gig last week.  Since I have no idea how to dress business casual, and I have no idea how to put on makeup that is fit for daytime, I needed to google some tips on how to look smart, impressive and professional.  All the websites told me to not be too flashy, but to look well put together.  Aaaah-greed!  I wanted to be at my best, so I assembled an outfit that was flattering, but still fit a corporate environment. I had planned to wear basic black pumps by a pretty famous, yet mid priced retailer. 

That night, I woke up in panic circa 4 a.m.  What was I thinking wearing those shoes?  I am in the creative industry, I can’t show up on the first day wearing BASIC BLACK PUMPS!!!! The sole thought at 4 a.m. was to switch up the basic shoes for a pair of my most ridiculous ones…. Clearly, the pony hair, hardware stilettos I talked about last week were the only logical alternative. 

I proudly stomped my way into the office feeling like a million bucks.  I almost immediately ran into one of the heads of the company, who took one look at me, and with the utmost approval said ‘Great shoes!’ 

Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!

This is the one person I want to impress, as it will ensure that I do well with this project.  Thank you, pony hair stilettos!!!

Talking to some people at the office later, I found out that the designer of the basic black pumps I had planned on wearing, were this company’s arch nemesis, and are pretty much not allowed in the office.  So close to having almost pulled a complete faux pas!

The moral of the story is, do not always go for the most obvious choice.  This will guarantee that you do not show up wearing the same outfit as another girl, and that you do not remain in the shadows!  Life is too short for certain things: wearing boring shoes and drinking bad wine are just two examples. 

So go all out as often as possible, you will not be dissapointed!   

REMOVE THE PRICE STICKERS FROM THE BOTTOM OF YOUR SHOE!!!!!!!!!!!

use rubbing alcohol to get it all off.

not doing it = WORST

My Shoe collection is well into the triple digits.

Having been an avid sneaker phreaker since I was able to afford my first pair of Adidases back in the day, now augmented by professional interest and love for sky high heels, I spend most of my money of footwear.  I plan my outfits starting from the shoes, I’m on the shoe blogs daily, I arrange them by colour in my flat, I pack 6 pairs to go away for the weekend, and I often get asked which is my number one.  I don’t play favourites (even though the new pony skin court shoe I recently purchased holds a very special place in my heart), and I believe that every woman should have a good rotation of footwear at her fingertips at all times.

The following is a shortlist of ten types of shoes, which should be in your closet to suit the purpose of a well balanced life.

Note* that we are not including functional footwear in here, such as winter boots, flip flops, or a solid pair of running shoes, which you should have anyways

Note** that I don’t consider kitten heels to even be shoes, and they will not be anywhere in this post.

1. Classic Pump in Black- You do not want it to be too pointy, but it should not be rounded toe.  The heel can be anywhere from 6 cm (wimp) all the way to 10cm (rockstar).  The thickness of the heel should be a fairly thin stiletto, but if this makes you uncomfortable, a thicker heel can work too.  This shoe is multipurpose: you can wear it to the office paired with a high waisted skirt, or out in the evening with some well fitting skinnies.  I would suggest to invest in a good quality product, and fork out a bit more money for it.  You will be wearing this a lot and the comfort factor has to be high.  This shoe never goes out of style, you always need it, and a relatively new pair should always be in your collection.      
2. Rockstar Shoe- this is where you get to be outrageous.  Choose from hidden platform, peep toe, sandal, bejeweled or studded, you can rock patterns, fluos or crazy prints.  This is the shoe that will dominate your outfit, so make sure you can actually walk in it, despite it’s ridiculous height (10cm or more, girls).  A large portion of my collection is what makes these up, including: fluo yellow pumps, the aforementioned All Saints pony courts with heel made from brass hardware, black patent and gold fetish McQueens, I could go on, but I think you get the point.  This can be any shoe that makes you giddy with excitement and makes you feel like you should be stomping all over the red carpet.  These are also the ones that you keep on, even when you take everything else off. Winky face.   
3. Ankle boots- You need these in the fall. There are plenty of types to choose from. The heel should be thicker for better stability, and the material should be a nice, buttery suede.  These look great with cable knit tights, and a well layered scarf.     
4. Basic sneakers- I rock sneakers a lot (before sundown) and absolutely adore them, but I do realize that not everyone is as influenced by High Snobiety and Crooked Tongues as I am (sneakerhead blogs for all you who don’t care).  Still, every girl should have a basic sneaker for casual times and daytime outings.  This can be anything from Converse, Tom’s, retro Adidas or Nike styles.  They should be simple, high top or low cut, mostly one colour, and you can wear them with pants, shorts, etc.  Note, that if you choose white- as I often do- your shoes need to be white.  As soon as white sneakers get that ‘worn out’ look it is time to demote them.  White sneakers can be cleaned in the washing machine (COLD WATER ONLY), to give them another life.  The only exception-that looks better slightly beat up is Converse chucks.       
5. Ridiculo sneakers- You know you love them- that pair of Nike 6.0s high tops in really obnoxious colours, or Tigers with cartoons all over them.  The bonus is, you usually find these on crazy sales, as no person in their right mind would purchase them. You NEVER wear these with dresses or skirts if you are over the age of 25.      
6. Ballerinas- I’m not the biggest fan of these because my feet are really small compared to how tall I am, and I find this makes me look like an asshole, but I have seen many girls pull off an amazing outfit accentuated by a nice pair of ballerinas.  Keep it simple- heather grey, pinkish beige, black, all over leopard print.  If you want comfort I would consider spending a bit more money, and definitely getting good leather.  I recently went out to buy a basic pair of ballerinas and came home with the Winged Series by Jeremy Scott for Adidas, ooops.      
7. Flat Boot- For those days when you just can’t stand rocking heels, but still want your foot wrapped in delicious leather, and perhaps wear a skirt. You can have army inspired styles, combat boots, the not so awesome granny boots, or moto boots. I adore my Frye moto boots and have some great outfits around them.  Also, they make you feel all quirky-girl like you are Tankgirl, or Liv Tayler in Empire Records, and that’s awesome.    
8. Trendy- While I highly encourage buying quality and choosing pieces that will last you for years, I fully stand by getting super-trendy-will-only-last-for-a-minute shoes from less expensive shops like Zara or H&M.  It’s ok that they will fall apart after a few wears, you won’t want to wear them next season anyways.  Still, make sure that you opt out for leather or natural fabrics as often as possible (at least try for a natural inner lining).  There is nothing more obviously obnoxious than cheapie polyurethane!!!  
9. Sandal – Summer nights are made for these.  They are sexy and look amazing with your hottest summer gear.  I stay away from anything metallic or bejeweled (hurl), but that’s a personal opinion.  Mine include: bright red sandals with straps that lace up to mid calf, wooden tango heels with ankle clasp, kelly green X cross strappies, etc.  Keep in mind that leather is important here.  Just imagine what polyurethane will do on bare feet in sweaty weather.   
10. Wedge- All high footwear lovers rejoice! Wedges are still in for another couple of seasons, and this means that you get to have your ridiculous heights, without the fear of walking in giant heels.  The wedge is an optical illusion and comfortable as hell, when chosen correctly.  I still adore and plan to keep rocking my Carvela wedges   
11. Stomping Shoe- Ok ok ok, I know that I said this would be a list of ten, but I think that I need to give a clear definition of shoes you wear for special occasions, shoes you wear daily and shoes you wear to wild soirees, cobblestone stomping, and all night dance parties. Your stomping shoe must be ridiculously comfortable- you have to be able to flawlessly prance all over all kinds of surfaces while wearing it (wet pavement, cobblestones, potentially sand or gravel, you never know where your night will end up).  It CAN be slightly beaten up. I would never wear my McQueens out in the rain, or to an all night dj night where people could potentially step on it. The stomping shoe may be slightly trashed and probably demoted from A-class.  So if the heel is a little bit beaten up, it is ok to wear it on a night when you know you might end up drinking a whole lotta whiskey and end your night at an after hours.       

Aaaah, I totally want to add about fifteen more ‘must-haves’ to this list, but I know that not everyone has an addiction like me, so we will just stop here, and leave you with a few final tips. 

 Don’t forget to spray your shoes, they will last years longer. 

Take care of them- regular cleaning and polishing is required

Material quality is a big deal and can make a world of difference in the fit and comfort of your footwear.  When given the choice, always pay the difference for leather.

Pedicures are key! Take good care of your feet.  For additional foot care tips please see an older post here.  

Knowing how to walk in your shoes is also really important, read some older tips here

Happy strutting!!!!